I have the best friends in the world!

After my latest dating experience, I was reminded of how amazing my friends are. They inspire me, left me up, make me laugh, and love me unconditionally. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

One of my girlfriends met me for lunch after the Mr. Wonderful experience. She let me sob and spill out all my worries. Then, she spent the rest of our lunch making me laugh and taking my mind off of things. She later searched for just the right words to help.

One of my very best friend calls me to share stories that make me laugh, she forces me to go out and have fun, and she even helps me revise my dating profile. She also believes in Pinterest therapy. I tried it, and she is so right. Pinning various pictures helped me chuckle and feel better. These two pictures below were perfect for my most recent dating fiasco.

Yet another friend feeds me wine, provides advice, and hugs when needed. She reminds me that whatever the reason a man decides to engage in dirtbag behavior, it's his problem, not mine. She reminds me that my self-worth is not dependent on how some guy treats me. She is amazing at building you up in a time of crisis. Her husband also helps out by interpreting behavior and giving a man's POV on the topic. They are a dynamic duo!

Another friend screens all potential suitors, goes out with me for girls nights, and pushes me to try new things and meet new people. She always makes me laugh and helps me remember to not take things so seriously.

If I weren't so lucky to have all of these wonderful people in my life, I don't know what I would do. My life would not be nearly as great if not for these amazing ladies and man!

A dirtbag in sheep's clothing.

This post might be the most disappointing dating experience thus far. After cutting off things with RB, I was not really excited about getting back out there again. If you've read my blog, you know I have come into contact with some stinkers over the years. It was with much hesitation that I logged online and cautiously started talking to new people. This is when Mr. Wonderful happened along.

The day after Christmas, he sent me a message. We exchanged a few messages throughout the day and eventually moved to texting. The next night, he asked to call me, and we spent two hours on the phone. It was so easy to talk to him, and the hours flew by like minutes. Over the next few days, we texted occasionally and finally met up for drinks the following weekend.

We met at a local watering hole and spent over two hours chatting. I had a good time, but I wasn't as excited as I had been on my previous first date. When we parted ways, he gave me a brief hug and said it was nice to meet me. I didn't get the vibe that he was interested. I wouldn't have been too sad if he had never contacted me again. But he did when he got home. He said that he had a great time, that I was easy to talk to, and that he hoped he'd get to see me again. I was surprised but agreed that another date would be fun. He further surprised me the following afternoon when he texted me that he wanted to call me that evening. When he did call, he asked about my day and when we could go out again. In the age of texting, I was shocked he had actually called to ask me out. Of course, I agreed, and we made plans for the following weekend.

The next day when Mr. Wonderful got off work, he called, and we chatted for a bit. For the week leading up to our date, he texted me every morning before work, he called or texted after work, and would call to chat before bed. I am a verbal person and loved having actual conversations with a guy I was dating.

Our second date was simply amazing. We shared dinner at a restaurant that was new to both of us, went for drinks and live music, and ended the night with some ice cream. At the end of our second date, we shared our first kiss. It was one of those movie kisses. The world melted away, and I felt as if I were floating.

We continued our daily communication and nightly chats. We shared information about our families, past, kids, college experiences...you name it, we talked about it. Since we had both been dating for the past couple of years, we shared dating horror stories and lamented how annoying it was when people would not be open and honest or would just cut off contact.

We were both so excited to see one another, we made plans to meet for lunch days after our second date. Yet again, Mr. Wonderful was great. We enjoyed the time we could get together and made plans to meet up for two nights during the coming weekend. With each day and conversation, it seemed that things were moving along with us, and we might even be moving toward a relationship. He even casually dropped into a conversation that he had deleted his dating profile.

On our fourth date, we met for dinner and went for drinks and trivia at a local bar. While we did not win, we had a great time spending time together. For our fifth date, we decided to make dinner, rent a movie, and stay in. Mr. Wonderful showed up an hour before dinner time and spent time talking about our days and various other topics.  Dinner was great, the movie was great, and we had a wonderful time together. When Mr. Wonderful left, we had agreed that I would get a sitter for the following weekend. He left me with another sweet, world-melting kiss and promised to let me know he had gotten home safely. When the text came through that he was home and had had a great evening, I smiled so big and slept easily.

The next morning started normally with the usual morning text. I responded as normal. Mr. Wonderful gets off in the early afternoon so when it was about an hour and half past when he should have been done, I gave him a call. He answered and said that he had rushed home to take a shower in time to meet his son who was supposed to be there soon. I let him know we had a sitter and were set for our next day. He responded that it sounded good, and we would go out again. Then, he said he would figure out his plans for the evening and shoot me a text. That text never came. Some four hours later, I got a notification that he played his round in a game that we played together. We went back and forth, and I finally beat him. I sent him a message about winning, and he sent back a joking message about letting me win. He said that he was headed home to go to bed. He said we would chat the next day. This would be the first time since our first date weeks prior that we did not talk before bed. At this point, I was getting a bit apprehensive. He did not contact me after work, he did not follow through by texting me when he said he would, and he did not call to talk at bed time. Three out of the norm things had happened in less than twelve hours. I decided that I would wait to see if he contacted me the following day.

That contact never came. For whatever reason, I had a knot in the pit of my stomach. Something had happened, and I did not know what had changed in the eight hours he was at work. I had lunch plans with a girlfriend and dinner plans with a best friend. I spent a good portion of those plans crying. I couldn't explain why I couldn't stop the tears. He hadn't actually done anything wrong except his communication changed. I contacted him that evening before bed and got no response.

The next morning when I awoke and had not received any communication from him, I decided to search for him on the dating site. Lo and behold, he had restarted his profile. This was confirmation that something had indeed changed.  I was shocked. My red flags and warning signs are strong, and I got no inkling that something was amiss. It was especially hurtful because of all the time we spent talking about how dating was so hard and all of the dating pet peeves we shared. I couldn't believe that he decided to just end contact like that. He had even, not once but twice, agreed to plans for the following weekend. I wonder if he had planned to say anything to me at all. He knew that I had secured a babysitter.

After spending a few more minutes crying and then getting extremely angry, I sent a quick text that told him I saw his profile and felt he was a coward for not being forthcoming like he said he always was. I have yet to get any explanation and probably never will.

Whatever the reason he suddenly changed from Mr. Wonderful to Mr. Douchebag, I comfort myself by remembering that if he wasn't man enough to call someone to at least let them know it was over, then he is not the man for me. What is really sad about this turn of events is that the next time what appears to be a great man turns up, I will be on high alert because of this experience. I am still beyond angry at how easily he walked away without so much as a goodbye.

There's a friendzone for a reason.

There is a running joke between one of my best friends and I. Whenever a new guy comes into the picture, she will ask, "Is he preeeetttty?" I can't help but be smitten with a handsome guy. I can't help it; I'm human. Now that my friend has pointed out my tendency to get sucked in by looks so easily, I am more aware of this weakness. This awareness made me step away from my clearly defined "type," and that choice starts my next dating tale.

There was a friend of mine that I happened across on a dating site. RB was not really my type. He was not a pretty boy. In fact, he was the opposite. He had many tattoos and a beard and was a bit scruffy. Facial hair has never been something I've been overly attracted to; in fact, I prefer the clean-shaven type. So when we chatted occasionally and checked in on how our respective dating lives, it was a totally platonic exchange. He had mentioned that we should hang out since we live fairly close to one another. I never took him up on the offer when I was in a relationship. After I became single again, I contacted him to see if he wanted to hang out and see a movie we were both interested in. He replied in the affirmative, and we started texting. That communication became a daily occurrence.

In my mind, RB was still just a friend. We used to hang out on the regular, and he was easy to talk to. In fact, we had much in common. We watched the same shows and movies, we both had beautiful daughters, and we both liked playing games, for instance. So the prospect of having another friend to spend time with was all I saw coming from our communication. During one late night text session, he revealed that he had been into me since we first met, but I had been involved at the time. He said he had a "butterflies in the stomach" crush on me. I still wasn't sure I was ready to exit the friendzone with him, but as two weeks of communicating flew by, I was starting to be more and more interested in him as more than just a friend.

When the night of our first date arrived, I was over-the-moon excited. Over the weeks leading up to our date, our messages had turned flirty. RB would send sweet messages at random times, and he always remembered to tell me good morning and good night. We shared much about our lives, pasts, children, and just day-to-day things. When we met each other at the theatre, we embraced in a big hug and spent the half hour prior to the movie talking and catching up. I had been extremely nervous and hoped that it wouldn't be weird going on a date with my once-friend. My worries were unfounded. It felt as if we had been on a million dates already. We held hands while enjoying the movie; it was so sweet.

We parted ways after the movie, and I was on cloud nine. The next day, we texted while he was working and both agreed that we had a great time together and couldn't wait for the next time. Things changed the following day which happened to be a Sunday. RB woke later than normal as it was his day off; we spent an hour messaging, and then I didn't hear from him for hours, about eight to be exact. I finally got a Facebook message from him that explained that his daughter had gotten sick, and his phone wasn't working.

Unfortunately, he got sick the following day and did not communicate very much. Ever since the day his phone broke, nothing felt the same. He hardly ever contacted beyond a good morning text. In the weeks prior, we would spend hours at night talking about all kinds of topics. Those messages stopped completely. It was a rarity that I would hear from him after he got off work. Each and every Sunday, he would be MIA most, if not all, of the day.

Despite being reassured by a guy friend of mine that his behavior was not alarming, I just felt something was off. We had talked about getting together again two weeks after our initial date. As that time approached, he wouldn't commit to a day to spend time together. Friday night rolled around, and we were texting when he just stopped, and I didn't hear from him again until the morning. He posted a picture of him and a friend on social media at a party. The following day, he sent the usual good morning text and remained silent the whole day until I initiated a conversation with him in the afternoon.  He told me he was planning to go home and relax. Again, he disappeared for the remainder of the night.

After this second night of no contact, I made a decision. I did not like how his behavior had changed so drastically. My gut was telling me something was wrong. So I sent him a message and told him something had changed, and he was off the hook. He did not respond (and I still haven't heard from to this day). He did, however, post a picture of himself at another party Saturday night when he had said he was going home to hang out.

I will never know what happened, and that will annoy me if he ever crosses across my mind. Luckily, that doesn't happen very often. I did learn that attraction can come in many shapes and forms and not to rule anyone out because he's not my usual type or "preeeetttty."

At least the pizza was good.

I spent the better part of a year and half trying to force a relationship to work that just wasn't going to; it was as if I was forcing a square peg into a round hole, and I did not feel happy most of the time. Now, I find myself once again single. Over the past few months, I've contemplated whether or not to start writing again, but after a particularly disappointing episode, I decided I need the therapy that writing provides me. Getting my experiences down in print is so cathartic.

Given my past misadventures in dating, I am much more cautious and have a much higher guard up with new men. I am listening to my gut and watching for those red flags and getting out much sooner when men don't act as they should. As such, I am not dating as much. I am also spending more time with my girlfriends and trying new things.

The first post break-up date I went on was with a strikingly handsome man. We shall call him Marshall. He was a foreign exchange student working on his PhD at a nearby university. We messaged on Facebook for a while and finally set a time to meet. We decided to have lunch at a unique pizza place a friend suggested. We were set to meet at Marshall's apartment parking lot and go to lunch together. When I arrived, I texted him. He came rushing out minutes later in a state of disarray. He had water spots on his shirt, and his shoes weren't even tied.  It looked as if he had barely made it out of the shower and gotten dressed before my arrival. I understand running late, so I didn't think much about his harried appearance. We walked to his car, and he hopped in without opening my car door. While I think chivalry should still be exercised, the sad truth is that most men don't open doors and pull out chairs and practice other such gestures. So while I did notice the lack of opening the door, it didn't bother me too much.

The drive to lunch was quick and painless. We talked about his home country and work as well as my family and career.  Upon arriving at the restaurant, we had to wait a short while and continued talking. It wasn't until we were seated and had ordered our lunch that I started to get truly annoyed. If you know me, you know that I love to talk and be in contact with my friends and love my phone. But when I'm on a date, it goes on silent and stays in my purse until we part. Marshall pulled his phone out to show me a picture and once he did that, he stayed on it for the duration of our meal. Strike one! I should have called him out on the rude behavior, but I wanted to eat and get out of their ASAP. I remained polite, and we left promptly after finishing lunch.

On the drive home, Marshall started to complain about the driving habits of people in the town he lived in. He made a racial remark which was definitely rude. Strike two. Quickly following this comment, a car cut him off; he laid into the horn and yelled angrily at the other driver. I would never say that I am perfect and wouldn't get upset while driving, but a first date is not the time to show your road rage. Strike three!

He dropped me off at my car, and we went our separate ways. Neither of us tried contacting the other, and no more has been heard from Marshall.

Relationship commandments

I have found a dating blog I love written by DaterX. In one post, she puts forth the following relationship commandments. They are so true, and I plan to abide by them each day. Enjoy!

1. Thou shalt not take thy boyfriend for granted.

2. Thou shalt not take getting laid for granted.

3. Thou shalt not forget about thy friends.

4. Thou shalt remain a good employee. 

5. Thou shalt not partake of too many coupled activities.

6. Thou shalt try things his way. 

7. Thou shalt choose they battles wisely. 

8. Thou shalt express when things aren’t honky dory.

9. Thou shalt not make out in public too, too much. 

10. Thou shalt still look hot.

All of Me

Last my readers knew, I was preparing to embark on the challenging world of dating again. However, quite a bit has happened over the last two and a half weeks. 

First, as evidenced in my previous posts, I did some self evaluation. While looking back over my relationship with Corey, I was able to see how I could've handled things differently. Also, I really looked at what made me feel a break up was necessary. As I looked at all the areas I was pissed about, I realized that, while I alluded to my unhappiness, I never came right out and told Corey about all that bothered me. I bottled those issues up and pushed them aside until my anger got the best of me and I felt my only option was to end our relationship. 

As a result of my thinking and writing, I started thinking about all the times I actually voiced concerns during our relationship. Each and every time I told Corey about something that was bothering me, he was more than willing to discuss the issues, and we were able to come up with a way of handling the problems. I was not giving him as much credit as he deserved in making our relationship a priority. I am sure, had I given voice to my concerns, we would've been able to deal with everything that I felt were major issues, and I wouldn't have made such a drastic and devastating choice. With all that in mind, I knew I had made a major mistake when I broke up with my lobster. 

After that epiphany, I had to decide if I was strong enough to admit my mistake and how much I had hurt the man I loved. As I previously revealed, I hate going back on my decisions. I wrestled with this for days upon days. What would people think? How do I approach him? Would he even want to talk to me? Who could blame him if he didn't? I had hurt him. 

I first out aside my worries about others. All that mattered was what was best for me which was to at least try mending our relationship. I finally built up the courage and emailed him. I chose email as a contact method, because I didn't want to put him on the spot. I had been turning things over in my mind for a while. It would only be fair to give him some time to process before talking to me, if he chose to do so.  

It is now two and a half weeks from when I told him I wanted another chance to make us work. We did a lot of talking during that time and have made great strides in rebuilding us and having an even stronger relationship than before. 

Personally, I feel I am a better person as a result of our talks. Corey reminded me not to sweat the small stuff. So when a couple of things started to bother me recently, I looked at them and decided they weren't that important and honestly let them go. It felt good to not let everything little thing bother me. I am being very cognizant of my feelings and being 100% honest and upfront with Corey and myself. He has been very open to everything that I've brought up and has been understanding. We have both been better communicators and this feels like a rekindling but even better.

I realize that neither of us are perfect, and we will have disagreements in our future. However, I also know that I definitely want us to be together forever, and Corey and I are willing to put forth our best effort to make sure that happens. I saw the picture below on Facebook, and it reaffirmed why I love him. He is a sweet, wonderful man who wants only for us both to be happy. 

This man is my perfect mate, and I haven't been this happy in a long time. Whenever I hear John Legend's "All of Me," I think of my boyfriend. All of me loves all of you!

Leia

Xoxo

I miss him, I think, or maybe I'm lonely...or I miss him

I've been spending a good part of my evenings in the past week reading dating blogs. It makes me feel as if I'm not in this crazy single world alone. Although I've decided to postpone the actual dating, I feel a kinship with these women. I remember how hard dating and being rejected was, and to be perfectly honest, I am beyond frightened at the thought of that again. Perhaps it is with this fear that I find myself missing my ex-boyfriend so much.

 

But do I really miss him or is it that I just miss being with someone?

 

Here's what I know I miss:

• I miss getting good morning and good night texts every day. Knowing that someone is thinking of me each morning and night felt amazing.
• I miss cuddling. As I said in a previous post, cuddling is my all time favorite thing to do with a man. The closeness of having his arms around me was beyond compare.
• I miss having someone to call when I had a bad day or meltdown. My friends are great and will always listen, but it's not quite the same as having your significant other by your side no matter what.
• I miss the prospect of spending my life with someone. To think and talk about our future together and wonder what was next for us was so exciting.
• I miss having that go-to person to spend time with. Being in a relationship means you always have a date to the office party or a movie companion.
• I miss the comfort. After spending months with someone, the level of comfort that grows made me feel at ease. It was easy being with him. I knew what to expect.
• I miss sweet nothings. Nothing brought a smile to my face like a sweet email, text, or call out of the blue to say "I love you."
• I miss sharing a life with someone. While we did not live together, being in a relationship made me feel as if it were us against the world.
• I miss having someone to share things with. In the past weeks, I can't count the number of times I've thought, "I should text Corey that" about random things he would laugh at or find interesting only to remember I can't do that anymore.

 Each day that passes, I find myself second guessing my decision. Did I mess up? Did I fall prey to "the grass is greener on the other side" problem? If I did make a mistake, should I try to fix it? Is it even fixable?  These questions plague me not just on a daily basis but an hourly basis. My friends reassure me and remind me of why I made my choice, and I love them for that and I know that they would support me in whatever I ever do. I'm sure I'm not the only who wishes she had a crystal ball and an easy answer to life's big question and what the future holds. But, alas, we are not that lucky, and I move forward through another day with thoughts bouncing around in my head and wishing I had a bit of peace!

XOXO,

Leia