I miss him, I think, or maybe I'm lonely...or I miss him

I've been spending a good part of my evenings in the past week reading dating blogs. It makes me feel as if I'm not in this crazy single world alone. Although I've decided to postpone the actual dating, I feel a kinship with these women. I remember how hard dating and being rejected was, and to be perfectly honest, I am beyond frightened at the thought of that again. Perhaps it is with this fear that I find myself missing my ex-boyfriend so much.

 

But do I really miss him or is it that I just miss being with someone?

 

Here's what I know I miss:

• I miss getting good morning and good night texts every day. Knowing that someone is thinking of me each morning and night felt amazing.
• I miss cuddling. As I said in a previous post, cuddling is my all time favorite thing to do with a man. The closeness of having his arms around me was beyond compare.
• I miss having someone to call when I had a bad day or meltdown. My friends are great and will always listen, but it's not quite the same as having your significant other by your side no matter what.
• I miss the prospect of spending my life with someone. To think and talk about our future together and wonder what was next for us was so exciting.
• I miss having that go-to person to spend time with. Being in a relationship means you always have a date to the office party or a movie companion.
• I miss the comfort. After spending months with someone, the level of comfort that grows made me feel at ease. It was easy being with him. I knew what to expect.
• I miss sweet nothings. Nothing brought a smile to my face like a sweet email, text, or call out of the blue to say "I love you."
• I miss sharing a life with someone. While we did not live together, being in a relationship made me feel as if it were us against the world.
• I miss having someone to share things with. In the past weeks, I can't count the number of times I've thought, "I should text Corey that" about random things he would laugh at or find interesting only to remember I can't do that anymore.

 Each day that passes, I find myself second guessing my decision. Did I mess up? Did I fall prey to "the grass is greener on the other side" problem? If I did make a mistake, should I try to fix it? Is it even fixable?  These questions plague me not just on a daily basis but an hourly basis. My friends reassure me and remind me of why I made my choice, and I love them for that and I know that they would support me in whatever I ever do. I'm sure I'm not the only who wishes she had a crystal ball and an easy answer to life's big question and what the future holds. But, alas, we are not that lucky, and I move forward through another day with thoughts bouncing around in my head and wishing I had a bit of peace!

XOXO,

Leia