I have the best friends in the world!

After my latest dating experience, I was reminded of how amazing my friends are. They inspire me, left me up, make me laugh, and love me unconditionally. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

One of my girlfriends met me for lunch after the Mr. Wonderful experience. She let me sob and spill out all my worries. Then, she spent the rest of our lunch making me laugh and taking my mind off of things. She later searched for just the right words to help.

One of my very best friend calls me to share stories that make me laugh, she forces me to go out and have fun, and she even helps me revise my dating profile. She also believes in Pinterest therapy. I tried it, and she is so right. Pinning various pictures helped me chuckle and feel better. These two pictures below were perfect for my most recent dating fiasco.

Yet another friend feeds me wine, provides advice, and hugs when needed. She reminds me that whatever the reason a man decides to engage in dirtbag behavior, it's his problem, not mine. She reminds me that my self-worth is not dependent on how some guy treats me. She is amazing at building you up in a time of crisis. Her husband also helps out by interpreting behavior and giving a man's POV on the topic. They are a dynamic duo!

Another friend screens all potential suitors, goes out with me for girls nights, and pushes me to try new things and meet new people. She always makes me laugh and helps me remember to not take things so seriously.

If I weren't so lucky to have all of these wonderful people in my life, I don't know what I would do. My life would not be nearly as great if not for these amazing ladies and man!

A dirtbag in sheep's clothing.

This post might be the most disappointing dating experience thus far. After cutting off things with RB, I was not really excited about getting back out there again. If you've read my blog, you know I have come into contact with some stinkers over the years. It was with much hesitation that I logged online and cautiously started talking to new people. This is when Mr. Wonderful happened along.

The day after Christmas, he sent me a message. We exchanged a few messages throughout the day and eventually moved to texting. The next night, he asked to call me, and we spent two hours on the phone. It was so easy to talk to him, and the hours flew by like minutes. Over the next few days, we texted occasionally and finally met up for drinks the following weekend.

We met at a local watering hole and spent over two hours chatting. I had a good time, but I wasn't as excited as I had been on my previous first date. When we parted ways, he gave me a brief hug and said it was nice to meet me. I didn't get the vibe that he was interested. I wouldn't have been too sad if he had never contacted me again. But he did when he got home. He said that he had a great time, that I was easy to talk to, and that he hoped he'd get to see me again. I was surprised but agreed that another date would be fun. He further surprised me the following afternoon when he texted me that he wanted to call me that evening. When he did call, he asked about my day and when we could go out again. In the age of texting, I was shocked he had actually called to ask me out. Of course, I agreed, and we made plans for the following weekend.

The next day when Mr. Wonderful got off work, he called, and we chatted for a bit. For the week leading up to our date, he texted me every morning before work, he called or texted after work, and would call to chat before bed. I am a verbal person and loved having actual conversations with a guy I was dating.

Our second date was simply amazing. We shared dinner at a restaurant that was new to both of us, went for drinks and live music, and ended the night with some ice cream. At the end of our second date, we shared our first kiss. It was one of those movie kisses. The world melted away, and I felt as if I were floating.

We continued our daily communication and nightly chats. We shared information about our families, past, kids, college experiences...you name it, we talked about it. Since we had both been dating for the past couple of years, we shared dating horror stories and lamented how annoying it was when people would not be open and honest or would just cut off contact.

We were both so excited to see one another, we made plans to meet for lunch days after our second date. Yet again, Mr. Wonderful was great. We enjoyed the time we could get together and made plans to meet up for two nights during the coming weekend. With each day and conversation, it seemed that things were moving along with us, and we might even be moving toward a relationship. He even casually dropped into a conversation that he had deleted his dating profile.

On our fourth date, we met for dinner and went for drinks and trivia at a local bar. While we did not win, we had a great time spending time together. For our fifth date, we decided to make dinner, rent a movie, and stay in. Mr. Wonderful showed up an hour before dinner time and spent time talking about our days and various other topics.  Dinner was great, the movie was great, and we had a wonderful time together. When Mr. Wonderful left, we had agreed that I would get a sitter for the following weekend. He left me with another sweet, world-melting kiss and promised to let me know he had gotten home safely. When the text came through that he was home and had had a great evening, I smiled so big and slept easily.

The next morning started normally with the usual morning text. I responded as normal. Mr. Wonderful gets off in the early afternoon so when it was about an hour and half past when he should have been done, I gave him a call. He answered and said that he had rushed home to take a shower in time to meet his son who was supposed to be there soon. I let him know we had a sitter and were set for our next day. He responded that it sounded good, and we would go out again. Then, he said he would figure out his plans for the evening and shoot me a text. That text never came. Some four hours later, I got a notification that he played his round in a game that we played together. We went back and forth, and I finally beat him. I sent him a message about winning, and he sent back a joking message about letting me win. He said that he was headed home to go to bed. He said we would chat the next day. This would be the first time since our first date weeks prior that we did not talk before bed. At this point, I was getting a bit apprehensive. He did not contact me after work, he did not follow through by texting me when he said he would, and he did not call to talk at bed time. Three out of the norm things had happened in less than twelve hours. I decided that I would wait to see if he contacted me the following day.

That contact never came. For whatever reason, I had a knot in the pit of my stomach. Something had happened, and I did not know what had changed in the eight hours he was at work. I had lunch plans with a girlfriend and dinner plans with a best friend. I spent a good portion of those plans crying. I couldn't explain why I couldn't stop the tears. He hadn't actually done anything wrong except his communication changed. I contacted him that evening before bed and got no response.

The next morning when I awoke and had not received any communication from him, I decided to search for him on the dating site. Lo and behold, he had restarted his profile. This was confirmation that something had indeed changed.  I was shocked. My red flags and warning signs are strong, and I got no inkling that something was amiss. It was especially hurtful because of all the time we spent talking about how dating was so hard and all of the dating pet peeves we shared. I couldn't believe that he decided to just end contact like that. He had even, not once but twice, agreed to plans for the following weekend. I wonder if he had planned to say anything to me at all. He knew that I had secured a babysitter.

After spending a few more minutes crying and then getting extremely angry, I sent a quick text that told him I saw his profile and felt he was a coward for not being forthcoming like he said he always was. I have yet to get any explanation and probably never will.

Whatever the reason he suddenly changed from Mr. Wonderful to Mr. Douchebag, I comfort myself by remembering that if he wasn't man enough to call someone to at least let them know it was over, then he is not the man for me. What is really sad about this turn of events is that the next time what appears to be a great man turns up, I will be on high alert because of this experience. I am still beyond angry at how easily he walked away without so much as a goodbye.

There's a friendzone for a reason.

There is a running joke between one of my best friends and I. Whenever a new guy comes into the picture, she will ask, "Is he preeeetttty?" I can't help but be smitten with a handsome guy. I can't help it; I'm human. Now that my friend has pointed out my tendency to get sucked in by looks so easily, I am more aware of this weakness. This awareness made me step away from my clearly defined "type," and that choice starts my next dating tale.

There was a friend of mine that I happened across on a dating site. RB was not really my type. He was not a pretty boy. In fact, he was the opposite. He had many tattoos and a beard and was a bit scruffy. Facial hair has never been something I've been overly attracted to; in fact, I prefer the clean-shaven type. So when we chatted occasionally and checked in on how our respective dating lives, it was a totally platonic exchange. He had mentioned that we should hang out since we live fairly close to one another. I never took him up on the offer when I was in a relationship. After I became single again, I contacted him to see if he wanted to hang out and see a movie we were both interested in. He replied in the affirmative, and we started texting. That communication became a daily occurrence.

In my mind, RB was still just a friend. We used to hang out on the regular, and he was easy to talk to. In fact, we had much in common. We watched the same shows and movies, we both had beautiful daughters, and we both liked playing games, for instance. So the prospect of having another friend to spend time with was all I saw coming from our communication. During one late night text session, he revealed that he had been into me since we first met, but I had been involved at the time. He said he had a "butterflies in the stomach" crush on me. I still wasn't sure I was ready to exit the friendzone with him, but as two weeks of communicating flew by, I was starting to be more and more interested in him as more than just a friend.

When the night of our first date arrived, I was over-the-moon excited. Over the weeks leading up to our date, our messages had turned flirty. RB would send sweet messages at random times, and he always remembered to tell me good morning and good night. We shared much about our lives, pasts, children, and just day-to-day things. When we met each other at the theatre, we embraced in a big hug and spent the half hour prior to the movie talking and catching up. I had been extremely nervous and hoped that it wouldn't be weird going on a date with my once-friend. My worries were unfounded. It felt as if we had been on a million dates already. We held hands while enjoying the movie; it was so sweet.

We parted ways after the movie, and I was on cloud nine. The next day, we texted while he was working and both agreed that we had a great time together and couldn't wait for the next time. Things changed the following day which happened to be a Sunday. RB woke later than normal as it was his day off; we spent an hour messaging, and then I didn't hear from him for hours, about eight to be exact. I finally got a Facebook message from him that explained that his daughter had gotten sick, and his phone wasn't working.

Unfortunately, he got sick the following day and did not communicate very much. Ever since the day his phone broke, nothing felt the same. He hardly ever contacted beyond a good morning text. In the weeks prior, we would spend hours at night talking about all kinds of topics. Those messages stopped completely. It was a rarity that I would hear from him after he got off work. Each and every Sunday, he would be MIA most, if not all, of the day.

Despite being reassured by a guy friend of mine that his behavior was not alarming, I just felt something was off. We had talked about getting together again two weeks after our initial date. As that time approached, he wouldn't commit to a day to spend time together. Friday night rolled around, and we were texting when he just stopped, and I didn't hear from him again until the morning. He posted a picture of him and a friend on social media at a party. The following day, he sent the usual good morning text and remained silent the whole day until I initiated a conversation with him in the afternoon.  He told me he was planning to go home and relax. Again, he disappeared for the remainder of the night.

After this second night of no contact, I made a decision. I did not like how his behavior had changed so drastically. My gut was telling me something was wrong. So I sent him a message and told him something had changed, and he was off the hook. He did not respond (and I still haven't heard from to this day). He did, however, post a picture of himself at another party Saturday night when he had said he was going home to hang out.

I will never know what happened, and that will annoy me if he ever crosses across my mind. Luckily, that doesn't happen very often. I did learn that attraction can come in many shapes and forms and not to rule anyone out because he's not my usual type or "preeeetttty."

At least the pizza was good.

I spent the better part of a year and half trying to force a relationship to work that just wasn't going to; it was as if I was forcing a square peg into a round hole, and I did not feel happy most of the time. Now, I find myself once again single. Over the past few months, I've contemplated whether or not to start writing again, but after a particularly disappointing episode, I decided I need the therapy that writing provides me. Getting my experiences down in print is so cathartic.

Given my past misadventures in dating, I am much more cautious and have a much higher guard up with new men. I am listening to my gut and watching for those red flags and getting out much sooner when men don't act as they should. As such, I am not dating as much. I am also spending more time with my girlfriends and trying new things.

The first post break-up date I went on was with a strikingly handsome man. We shall call him Marshall. He was a foreign exchange student working on his PhD at a nearby university. We messaged on Facebook for a while and finally set a time to meet. We decided to have lunch at a unique pizza place a friend suggested. We were set to meet at Marshall's apartment parking lot and go to lunch together. When I arrived, I texted him. He came rushing out minutes later in a state of disarray. He had water spots on his shirt, and his shoes weren't even tied.  It looked as if he had barely made it out of the shower and gotten dressed before my arrival. I understand running late, so I didn't think much about his harried appearance. We walked to his car, and he hopped in without opening my car door. While I think chivalry should still be exercised, the sad truth is that most men don't open doors and pull out chairs and practice other such gestures. So while I did notice the lack of opening the door, it didn't bother me too much.

The drive to lunch was quick and painless. We talked about his home country and work as well as my family and career.  Upon arriving at the restaurant, we had to wait a short while and continued talking. It wasn't until we were seated and had ordered our lunch that I started to get truly annoyed. If you know me, you know that I love to talk and be in contact with my friends and love my phone. But when I'm on a date, it goes on silent and stays in my purse until we part. Marshall pulled his phone out to show me a picture and once he did that, he stayed on it for the duration of our meal. Strike one! I should have called him out on the rude behavior, but I wanted to eat and get out of their ASAP. I remained polite, and we left promptly after finishing lunch.

On the drive home, Marshall started to complain about the driving habits of people in the town he lived in. He made a racial remark which was definitely rude. Strike two. Quickly following this comment, a car cut him off; he laid into the horn and yelled angrily at the other driver. I would never say that I am perfect and wouldn't get upset while driving, but a first date is not the time to show your road rage. Strike three!

He dropped me off at my car, and we went our separate ways. Neither of us tried contacting the other, and no more has been heard from Marshall.

Relationship commandments

I have found a dating blog I love written by DaterX. In one post, she puts forth the following relationship commandments. They are so true, and I plan to abide by them each day. Enjoy!

1. Thou shalt not take thy boyfriend for granted.

2. Thou shalt not take getting laid for granted.

3. Thou shalt not forget about thy friends.

4. Thou shalt remain a good employee. 

5. Thou shalt not partake of too many coupled activities.

6. Thou shalt try things his way. 

7. Thou shalt choose they battles wisely. 

8. Thou shalt express when things aren’t honky dory.

9. Thou shalt not make out in public too, too much. 

10. Thou shalt still look hot.

All of Me

Last my readers knew, I was preparing to embark on the challenging world of dating again. However, quite a bit has happened over the last two and a half weeks. 

First, as evidenced in my previous posts, I did some self evaluation. While looking back over my relationship with Corey, I was able to see how I could've handled things differently. Also, I really looked at what made me feel a break up was necessary. As I looked at all the areas I was pissed about, I realized that, while I alluded to my unhappiness, I never came right out and told Corey about all that bothered me. I bottled those issues up and pushed them aside until my anger got the best of me and I felt my only option was to end our relationship. 

As a result of my thinking and writing, I started thinking about all the times I actually voiced concerns during our relationship. Each and every time I told Corey about something that was bothering me, he was more than willing to discuss the issues, and we were able to come up with a way of handling the problems. I was not giving him as much credit as he deserved in making our relationship a priority. I am sure, had I given voice to my concerns, we would've been able to deal with everything that I felt were major issues, and I wouldn't have made such a drastic and devastating choice. With all that in mind, I knew I had made a major mistake when I broke up with my lobster. 

After that epiphany, I had to decide if I was strong enough to admit my mistake and how much I had hurt the man I loved. As I previously revealed, I hate going back on my decisions. I wrestled with this for days upon days. What would people think? How do I approach him? Would he even want to talk to me? Who could blame him if he didn't? I had hurt him. 

I first out aside my worries about others. All that mattered was what was best for me which was to at least try mending our relationship. I finally built up the courage and emailed him. I chose email as a contact method, because I didn't want to put him on the spot. I had been turning things over in my mind for a while. It would only be fair to give him some time to process before talking to me, if he chose to do so.  

It is now two and a half weeks from when I told him I wanted another chance to make us work. We did a lot of talking during that time and have made great strides in rebuilding us and having an even stronger relationship than before. 

Personally, I feel I am a better person as a result of our talks. Corey reminded me not to sweat the small stuff. So when a couple of things started to bother me recently, I looked at them and decided they weren't that important and honestly let them go. It felt good to not let everything little thing bother me. I am being very cognizant of my feelings and being 100% honest and upfront with Corey and myself. He has been very open to everything that I've brought up and has been understanding. We have both been better communicators and this feels like a rekindling but even better.

I realize that neither of us are perfect, and we will have disagreements in our future. However, I also know that I definitely want us to be together forever, and Corey and I are willing to put forth our best effort to make sure that happens. I saw the picture below on Facebook, and it reaffirmed why I love him. He is a sweet, wonderful man who wants only for us both to be happy. 

This man is my perfect mate, and I haven't been this happy in a long time. Whenever I hear John Legend's "All of Me," I think of my boyfriend. All of me loves all of you!

Leia

Xoxo

I miss him, I think, or maybe I'm lonely...or I miss him

I've been spending a good part of my evenings in the past week reading dating blogs. It makes me feel as if I'm not in this crazy single world alone. Although I've decided to postpone the actual dating, I feel a kinship with these women. I remember how hard dating and being rejected was, and to be perfectly honest, I am beyond frightened at the thought of that again. Perhaps it is with this fear that I find myself missing my ex-boyfriend so much.

 

But do I really miss him or is it that I just miss being with someone?

 

Here's what I know I miss:

• I miss getting good morning and good night texts every day. Knowing that someone is thinking of me each morning and night felt amazing.
• I miss cuddling. As I said in a previous post, cuddling is my all time favorite thing to do with a man. The closeness of having his arms around me was beyond compare.
• I miss having someone to call when I had a bad day or meltdown. My friends are great and will always listen, but it's not quite the same as having your significant other by your side no matter what.
• I miss the prospect of spending my life with someone. To think and talk about our future together and wonder what was next for us was so exciting.
• I miss having that go-to person to spend time with. Being in a relationship means you always have a date to the office party or a movie companion.
• I miss the comfort. After spending months with someone, the level of comfort that grows made me feel at ease. It was easy being with him. I knew what to expect.
• I miss sweet nothings. Nothing brought a smile to my face like a sweet email, text, or call out of the blue to say "I love you."
• I miss sharing a life with someone. While we did not live together, being in a relationship made me feel as if it were us against the world.
• I miss having someone to share things with. In the past weeks, I can't count the number of times I've thought, "I should text Corey that" about random things he would laugh at or find interesting only to remember I can't do that anymore.

 Each day that passes, I find myself second guessing my decision. Did I mess up? Did I fall prey to "the grass is greener on the other side" problem? If I did make a mistake, should I try to fix it? Is it even fixable?  These questions plague me not just on a daily basis but an hourly basis. My friends reassure me and remind me of why I made my choice, and I love them for that and I know that they would support me in whatever I ever do. I'm sure I'm not the only who wishes she had a crystal ball and an easy answer to life's big question and what the future holds. But, alas, we are not that lucky, and I move forward through another day with thoughts bouncing around in my head and wishing I had a bit of peace!

XOXO,

Leia

What do I want?

As I prepare to embark into the dating world again, I know that I will inevitably be asked some variation of the above question. It’s common dating fonder. So now I’m questioning myself. What is it I want in a mate? What am I looking for in my future? I thought I knew, and I thought I had what I wanted. However, with the end of another relationship, do I really know what it is I want in my future partner?


During my last foray into dating, a friend sent me a list of must haves for my future mate. This list was the bare bones of what a man needs to be your potential life partner. I want to share it with my readers in case any of you are also in this crazy dating adventure like me. These are not necessarily in order of importance, and these are her exact words. They are full of wisdom so I didn’t want to lose a single morsel of meaning.

• A career NOT  a job—jobs you get/lose – you don’t “lose” a career – no snobbery here – mechanics have careers – point is the guy can support himself and someone is willing to pay for his services
• Best friend – and you need to like this best friend – a man’s best friend tells a lot about him – a guy with no “buddy” is  a pathetic loser
• A vehicle – if he can’t get around on his own he will be asking you for rides – no excuses here – a single guy MUST have transportation of his own
• A home of his own – can be an apartment but it must be his name on lease/mortgage – guys in their 30s shouldn’t still be living with family/friends/crashing on someone’s couch
• A dentist/doctor – ask him who he goes to – if he doesn’t /can’t/isn’t willing to see a dentist/doctor on a regular basis it’s a clear sign he doesn’t take care of himself and can’t/won’t take care of others --- 30s are a time when guys have realized they are not kids anymore and they need to take care of their teeth and health
• The ability to speak kindly about exes – a man who can’t speak kindly about a woman he once loved is a loser – pure and simple
• A bank account AND a savings account – single and in his 30s? he should have more money coming in than going out – if he doesn’t have extra money when he’s single, he can’t afford a new life/wife
• A solid, healthy relationship with his children/siblings/parents   … or a darn good reason why not – this is a real key insight into a man – look closely at the relationships, too – does he let his children walk all over him because he feels guilty about the divorce? Do his siblings walk on him/borrow money from him/treat him like dirt? Does he rely on them for money? Is his relationship with his mom healthy or is he a mamma’s boy?
• The ability to pass a criminal background check – if there’s something in his past, can he explain it? Goals for his life – and these goals must align with yours – does he want to travel the world with a backpack and a smile? Doesn’t work well with someone who has a job and kids --

After going through her list many times, I decided I wanted to make my own of must haves above and beyond these basics. At the time I made the list, I was on eHarmony so I did what teachers do best and borrowed from their rather extensive list of “must haves” and “can’t stands.” Now that I’ve been in an actual loving relationship after my divorce, I have a better understanding of what I need to be happy with a mate and have modified the list which follows.


He must:

• love my daughter and understand that she is, and always will be, first in my life. He must be willing to take on the role of parent and be with us for the ups and downs.
• make “us” a priority. Maintaining a relationship isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes work from both parties. When I’m with someone, I do my best to make our relationship a priority. That can come in the form of planning time together or just letting him know that I’m thinking of him throughout the day. I must have a man that puts in that type of effort, too. I don’t need someone to be at my house every night or contacting me 24-7, but if I wonder if he’s forgotten about me or I’m not worth his time, I’m going to feel unimportant.
• be trustworthy and loyal. I’ve been cheated on in the past so, unfortunately, there’s a certain amount of “baggage” from that in the trust area. My man will never give a reason to doubt his love or trust and will understand that the past will occasionally rear its ugly head and will help me through that time.
• follow through. If we have plans, barring an actual emergency, don’t cancel. If you say you’ll call, then do it. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
• be a good communicator. Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk. It could be mindless banter about TV shows or deep conversation about life. My perfect man will be able to keep up with my endless talking.
• be affectionate. I love surprise kisses or a tender touch out of the blue. I cannot date someone who is emotionally closed off. To clarify, affection and sex are not interchangeable terms. Spending time cuddling with someone important is more satisfying than anything I can think of.
• be family oriented. I value family time and need a man who wants a family and values his and my family.
• be willing to do his part. Teaching and taking care of my daughter is a busy job. Maintaining a clean home and taking care of the various aspects of day to day life is hard. My perfect man will be willing to help out around the house and with the various tasks required of adults.
• be open to new experiences. I like to try new foods, locales, and activities. He must be willing to take on new adventures with me.
• be willing to compromise. We won't always agree on the same movies or activities but a man who is willing to come up with a happy medium to please us both will be perfect for me.

I kept my lists in my bag at all times when I was dating before and I plan to do the same thing with this new and improved version of my must haves. Any man who doesn't measure up isn't worth my time. Now here's to hoping he's actually out there


Xoxo,
Leia

I didn't expect to be writing here again!

Hello again, readers. It's been a few months since I've written a post. I've spent the last nine months dating a man who I felt was my lobster. However, things did not work out that way. I'm going to respect our privacy and not air our personal business. Corey has many wonderful qualities, but I had reasons which led me to end our relationship. I'm working through my feelings, because although this is my doing, I am still hurting. It's not easy to turn off nine months of feelings and memories. I'm hoping that one day I will wake and go through my day without everything reminding me of him. Whether or not I made the right decision, I'm not entirely sure, but what is done is done.

Instead of detailing my relationship with Corey, I've decided to focus on what I learned or had reaffirmed about myself during our time together.

First and foremost, I hate conflict. I can't stand to get into a fight or argument with anyone. As a result, I seem to keep things that bother me in a relationship to myself. As I bottle my annoyances up, they eat away at me until I am too angry. This is when I am forced to talk with my significant other. This happened with Corey. I know that this is a huge area I need to work on in myself. I have to get over my fear of confrontation and bring issues up immediately.

The other thing I learned about myself is that I live too much in the future. I'm constantly thinking about what's coming next instead of enjoying the present fully. This is my number one priority right now. Having a daughter who is growing so quickly is helping me to remember to enjoy each and every moment.

Finally, I'm too rigid and rash. Once I make a decision, I don't want to back down and I want to proceed with said decision immediately. I don't know why; perhaps I feel changing my mind makes me look weak. Whatever the reason, I have to learn to be slower in making decisions and be open to flexibility in all areas.

It's weird being single again after all this time, but I'm sure I'll get used to it again. Right now I'm enjoying some down time with my daughter and doing things I enjoy while I heal and learn more about myself.

Now I stand on the precipice of entering the dating world yet again. The prospect is both exciting and scary. I look forward to sharing with my readers when I begin dating in the months to come. Here's to hoping this time around is less humorous to read!

Xoxo,
Leia

If you kiss enough rotten fish, I promise your lobster will emerge.

A friend once told me that I deserve the dating persistence award.  She is right.  If you've been keeping up with my blog, you have read the highlights and disasters of my dating life of the last year and a half.  I am happy to report that I have finally found a wonderful, fantastic man that is definitely worth the wait. 

Corey (yes, my best friend and boyfriend have the same name) came out of nowhere when I was so close to giving up on the whole dating scene.  I've had my fair share of bad dates and crappy men.  He has swooped in and changed all of that.

We started talking on a Monday and met five days later.  Our first date started with dinner.  For the first time in a long time, I had someone sitting across from me that was truly interested in me.  He asked questions about my life and listened intently to everything I had to say.  I will never forget when we hit upon the subject of my mom and sister passing away. I said, "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"I want to know everything about you, everything that has lead you to be sitting across from me right now."  That just melted my heart.

Dinner was great, but we did not want to leave one another's company so we went to an ice cream shop for a sweet treat and sat for well over an hour talking.  I loved learning about his family and life.  It felt different with him.  This was a date like no other I had been on.  After this, we still didn't want to part so we decided to go to a movie.  The movie was good, but his company was so much better.

At the end of the night, he said he wanted to see me again, but I was scheduled to go out of town with my best friend.  So, we had to put it off for a couple of days, but we were in constant contact the entire time (ask Cori; she can attest to it).  When I got back from my trip, I immediately planned to see him that night.  He invited me over for dinner.  When I arrived, he toured me around his place before playing the guitar and serenading me.  No one had ever done anything like this for me.  Afterwards he made dinner and we watched a movie before parting ways.

Our constant communication continued, and we set our next date for the following Friday.  He was going to take me shopping and to lunch.  It was a great day, and I can tell you that at the end of that date, I knew he was the one.  From the first date, I knew he was special and had a feeling that I had found my man, and on date three, I knew for certain.  There has always been something different about our time together, and I wanted to spend every possible second with him.  I had not had that feeling in a long time.  The next day, we both deleted our dating profiles and have been nearly inseparable since.  There's not a day that goes by when we do not talk, text, or see each other.  He has the distinction of being my very last first date and very first fifth date.  I hate being away from him and wish we didn't have daily obligations that keep us busy, but absence does make the heart grow fonder.

As the days and weeks have passed, Corey has continued to show me just how wonderful he is.  He will randomly send a text or email to let me know he's thinking about me. When I was away on my cruise, I didn't have access to my phone, but he still sent me a message every day so that when I finally turned my phone back on, I had sweet messages awaiting me.  He wants to be a part of every aspect of my life.  My daughter already enjoys spending time with him.  The short time that our relationship has been growing has been amazing.

It may seem things are moving fast for us, but when you know, you know.  I have never once doubted or mistrusted him.  I am not worried that he will disappear on me one day, and I see a bright future with him.  He's even getting me to go to a UF game this season despite my adamant dislike of the Gators and the Swamp.

Corey, I know you're reading this right now, and I want you to know that I am so happy to have you in my life.  You've made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.  This has been the best time of my life in a long time, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us!

XOXO,
Leia

My Achilles Heel

Bob is one of the very first men that I met in my dating journey, and he is the last story of dating mishaps I have to share with my readers.  This is going to be a doozy.

I first saw his profile on the dating site and noticed that he lived in my town.  Small world.  However, there was something in his profile that just made me not message him at first.  I saw his profile pop up many times without acting on it.  That is until I saw him in person. A friend of mine from work and I went to a local store to grab food for lunch.  We were waiting in line, and I happened to glance behind me.  There stood Bob a few feet away, and boy, was he gorgeous. I was nearly speechless.

I turned quickly and whispered to my friend to look at him.  She did so quickly and didn't say anything.  Once we left, I told her that I saw him on the online dating site.  She said, "I know him." She told me worked at a local pharmacy.  That day I went home to find him again online.  It wasn't easy, but I finally located his profile.  It sure was him.  Before I could even message him, he sent me a message.  I was surprised and responded and we began want became a very long interaction. 

Our first official "date" was at an ice cream shop and then for drinks.  He was a great story teller and regaled me of tale after tale about his life, family, and friends.  Since he was a local boy, he also told me about his experiences in school.  He had been in many of my co-workers classes, and it was interesting to hear what he had to say.

We met again and again.  We went to movies, out to dinner, out dancing, shopping...we spent a lot of time together.  But a couple months down the road, he "wanted to talk." That phrase scares women just as much as men.  So, I met him, and he proceeded to tell me that he had so much on his plate that he couldn't fit dating into his life, and he just wanted to be friends.  I tried my hardest to keep a hard exterior, but this was my first "heart break" since being single, and it didn't take long for the tears to flow.  I did warn him, but he didn't leave soon enough before the waterworks started.

When we finally parted ways that night, we had said we'd be friends.  I didn't really believe that would happen, but after a few weeks of awkward messaging, we slipped into an easy friendship.  We had lots of inside jokes and could keep conversations going for a long time.  I think I secretly held onto the thought that maybe he would change his mind eventually and want a relationship at some point.  After a few months, we started hanging out again and doing friend things together.  It was as if no time had passed, and things hadn't changed.

Oddly enough, he seemed to have a radar and whenever a new guy was on the horizon, he seemed to pick up communication or do something that would give me hope about things happening between us.  No matter who I was seeing, Bob was always in the back of my mind.  He was the barometer by which I measured every guy, and no one ever met his quality.  I knew that until I was able to put him out of my head as a dating prospect that I would never be able to give a new guy a shot.

I did eventually get up the courage to talk to him about dating, but he said that until he was settled with his new job and place, he just wanted to focus on that.  Still, we would text message, see each other, or talk on the phone on a daily basis until one week.  All of a sudden, he disappeared and I didn't hear from him.  I reasoned with myself that this was for the best.  I could quit Bob cold turkey.  It took a week before he contacted me again.  Something changed in me that week.  Not quite sure what it was, but the pull that he had previously had on me wasn't as strong.  I didn't feel the need to hear from him and know what was going on with him.  We still talked on a semi-regular basis, but that undeniable connection I had with him is gone.  For a long time, I knew in my heart that Bob and I were each other's lobsters, but he was just scared.  I now know that's not true and that there was a very good reason why we never ended up together which I will discuss in tomorrow's post.

XOXO,
Leia

The false lobster

"Cheesy Poof" was one of my favorite people to meet.  He was witty, always quick with a comeback, and a blast to be around.  We planned our first date to be a bar hopping adventure in Orlando.  I looked forward to meeting him and when I did, I was not displeased.  He startled me at first, because he opened my car door for me.  I'm sad to report that he was the first man to do that for me that I can remember.  What a gentleman, I thought.

We started out a great antique store/bar.  It was so neat to enjoy my wine amongst cool treasures.  Then, we went to downtown Orlando.  This was my first trip downtown.  I was excited about seeing what Orlando had to offer.  We tried a different drink each different establishment.  What fun!  He got me to try new things such as a dill pickle shot and chocolate milk shot.  And what do you know...they were both great.  After everything closed that night, we walked around Lake Eola and stood looking at the moon for a while.  It was very romantic.

After this, we went to his apartment.  I was going to stay on the couch instead of going back home.  We talked a bit more before going to sleep.  We spent much of the next morning talking and learning more about each other.  When we parted ways, he said that he wanted to do it again.  I was what I call cautiously optimistic.  I have had many good first dates that didn't turn into anything.

However, over the week that followed, he and I kept in good contact.  Maybe he had lobster potential after all.  We did have difficulty making time for a second date.  Between my limited schedule and his friends coming to visit, we were unable to make plans for weeks.  About a month later, it seemed that a second meeting would be possible.  He mentioned that he and his friends were talking about a trip to a local springs here for a day of kayaking.  I was looking forward to seeing him.

In the week leading up to this rumored trip, I started receiving fewer and fewer messages from him and if I even hinted at seeing him, he read my message and didn't respond (those darn read receipts strike again).  I was getting more than a little frustrated.  He finally let me know that he wasn't coming to town.  At this point, I could care less, but I had a little nagging feeling in the back of my head that told me something was up.

When I could handle it no longer, I texted him and asked pointblank if he had met someone.  He actually read and responded to this message.  And, of course as my suspicion told me, he had met someone.  I don't know why he wouldn't just tell me that earlier.  We were both looking for our lobster, and if he found his, he was lucky.  I told him just that.  "Cheesy Poof" was a great guy and really did nothing wrong to me except just wait for me to ask what was up. I do hope that he is happy and found someone that makes him happy, but he is not of the lobster quality that I had hoped.

XOXO,
Leia

Sometimes crazy is necessary

"Stage 5 Clinger" was a sleek operator.  We exchanged a few messages, and I was interested in getting to know him more.  He wanted to talk on the phone immediately, but it was late and a school night so I told him I'd prefer the next day.  He begged and said there was just one question he had to ask.  I agreed and let him call.  The question that he wanted to ask was about his hair.  Even though he was in his mid-twenties, his hairline was already receding, and more than one woman had disappeared on him because of it.  Of course, I'm not that shallow. Of course, that won't be an issue, I told him.

That one question conversation lasted hours.  He told me about how he only talked to one person at a time.  "I consider us 'talking' so you are the only person I'm talking to. I don't mess around with a bunch of women. You can check my phone whenever you want.  I have nothing to hide." He said all the right things. "I know you and your daughter are a package deal.  I am okay with that." I was starting to get won over very easily despite my skepticism toward men.  "I'll call and message when I say."  When we hung up, I thought I had found a decent man amidst the sea of rotten fish.

Sure enough the next day, he sent me messages and called as soon as he was out of work.  He wasn't going on the dating site (yes, I checked...refer to scumbag part two). We talked many times and even Skyped.  This could be it, I silently hoped.  He was anxious to meet me, but I didn't have much free time without my daughter. So, I found a few hours that she would be away from home and told him to come help me move. He agreed and traveled the hour and half to help.  He was great and even brought me a rose.  Aww, how sweet, right?  We enjoyed each other's company and wanted to date exclusively. It was much too soon for me to agree to that, but again, I wasn't seeing anyone else so I said we could try.

The next day, his communication was slow. It was out of character and for reason, I decided to go on the dating site that night and noticed he was online.  Immediately, I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Maybe it's nothing. Maybe he's looking at my pictures.  After noticing this, I was a bit obsessive about it especially since he wasn't messaging me often, but we had another date planned so I tried not to worry.  He was coming to see my new place all set up.  When he showed up, he had an orchid for me as a housewarming gift.  Again very sweet.  We had a great time.  Maybe the past two days were just a fluke.  He went back home, and I felt only slightly better about him.

However, the following day, the same things started happening.  Very little communication and lots of online dating site activity.  When I noticed this, I will confess that I did something a little extreme (something I had not done before or since), but I had learned time and time again to trust my intuition, and every cell in my body was screaming that something was up.  I went onto the dating site and made a fake profile and viewed his profile (it shows who views you).  Surely, he wouldn't message the fake me, but he did.  He proceeded to feed me the same garbage a second time around. He's not seeing anyone and focuses on one person at a time, blah, blah, blah.  I was both angry and vindicated at the same time.  I knew something was not right, and this just confirmed my suspicions.  I waited a bit before texting him that I was done with him.

"Why baby? I want to see you."

I told him that he was not being honest with me and that I told him from day one, I don't play games and need no drama in my life.  He wanted to know how he wasn't being honest.

"You're not only talking to me and you're still going on the dating site to meet people."

He did not respond, but sure enough, when he got off work, my phone rang.

"What's this all about?"

"I told you that I wanted you to delete your profile. You know what happened with the last guy who tried that on me."
We had a long conversation, but the whole time I knew that I was done with him, and he kept piling lie after lie on.

"Fine, I'll delete my profile if that makes you happy, but if I say it's deleted, it's deleted.  You don't get to check up on me. You just trust me.  That's what a relationship is."

What a crock of crap.

"Fine."

We hung up.  Then, guess what he did.  Did he go delete his profile? Nope.  He went on and messaged the fake me.  What a dirtbag.  I went back and forth with him before I couldn't stand it anymore.  I sent a final message to him telling him to try his BS on someone stupid enough to believe it before deleting my fake profile.

I figured he'd make the connection that it was me, but evidently he was as stupid as he was shady.  He tried calling and texting the real me, but I was busy with a friend and didn't respond.  When he hadn't heard from me all the next day, he called me.  I happened to be sitting my best friend's couch.  I didn't want to, but I answered the phone.

"What happened to you today? I texted you this morning."

I didn't say anything for a while and don't know quite how I started the rest of my speech.  But eventually I said, "I know you're lying to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're still trying to meet other women."

"No, I'm not."

We went back and forth.  "So you're telling me the name Chloe means nothing to you?"

"I have never talked to anyone with that name before.  I don't know what you're talking about."

"Listen, we're both adults, and we both know you're lying.  If you want to pretend you're not, go ahead, but we're done."

He was silent for a minute.  "Well, I'm not lying, but I guess that's that."

I hung up then.  I am not one for confrontation, so that conversation was difficult for me.  Unfortunately for future men, this idiot created a big mistrust issue that has been hard for me to work through.  And what I hate most is that, he is going to continue pulling this crap on other women and some of them will not catch on and will get really hurt.  Why he would not just be honest and say he was talking to other people is beyond me.  Some people...

XOXO,
Leia

That's so cold

"Shoe Boy" was quite a character.  He took me to dinner for our first date and followed that with a trip to a wine bar and then to listen to live music.  That's the way to win me over.  We had a great time.  However, the fabled "sparks" weren't there on that first date.  I hoped that the next meeting would produce sparks, and it did just that.  We had another dinner out followed with lots of deep conversation and movie watching, two of my favorites.  Date three was sure to be even better.  It was the same type of date, but we still enjoyed each other's company.  He seemed to be really into me, and I was feeling really comfortable with him.  I texted him that I missed him and looked forward to our next meeting.  Later, I realized that I had left a pair of shoes at his apartment.  So, I let him know that.  He did not respond to either of these messages.  However, he had an iPhone and had read receipts turned on. I knew he read my messages and chose not to respond.  It took days of waiting before I finally got a response from him.  By this time, I was mad that he kept reading messages without responding but I wanted my damn shoes back.  He proceeded to tell me that I was moving too fast for him and he just wasn't ready for a serious relationship.  Really? Because I said I missed him? I miss lots of people...my students, my friends, my co-workers.  What an ass.  I gave up on the shoes and cut my losses, assuming I was done with him.

He had different ideas.  Weeks later, he messaged me and started telling me that he missed me and wanted to see me.  He even suggested moving in together and me being his sugar mama. This just made me laugh.  A sugar mama on a teacher's salary.  This guy was severely unbalanced.  We did not see each other again, but he kept messaging me every few weeks.  When I didn't respond via text message, he tried the dating site.  He would send a message and wait a few days or week before trying again.  I didn't hear from him for a while.  About a month ago, I got a text message from a number I didn't recognize.  The area code was from Philadelphia.  I didn't know anyone from Pennsylvania. I was with my best friend, and she goaded me to ask who it was.

Before continuing, I must say that in the last few months, I started using iPhone read receipts.  So, when I sent, "Hi. Who is this?" and he responded back with his name and a frowny face, it showed me as having read the message.  Obviously, I wasn't going to respond.  He tried to move in with me.  After a few minutes, I received another message that said, "That's cold."  I found this beyond comical as he had done the same thing to me six months earlier.

He did not message me again for a week.  It came on the dating site and said, "You don't even want to hear what I have to say?"  I have come across some pretty persistent people in my experiences.  I happened to delete my dating profile a few days later and haven't heard from him. I'm hoping that it stays that way.

XOXO,
Leia

I am not proud of myself, but I blame the male gender

"Two Shots" was another disappearing act although it was a little different than the stories I have previously shared.  He lived about four hours away.  We both acknowledged that the distance would be difficult but if we hit it off, the distance could be worked with.  So, we planned to meet for an entire weekend.  The town he lived in is supposed to be great; I reasoned that if we met for dinner and didn't hit it off, I'd just check out the town on my own.  We were both excited about meeting, and from our conversations, it seemed that we were both on the same page in what we were looking for. We both clicked and had great conversations.

The morning of our meeting, I was amped up.  I had packed for the weekend. I woke early to get my workout in and while I was exercising, I got a message from him.  He said he had some medical issues in the male regions and was in the ER.  Eventually, he told me that he wouldn't be up for company that weekend, and he had some pretty major medical issues going on that would need treatment.  He needed some time to sort through all that and think about things. 

The next day, I messaged him to let him know I was thinking about him.  Later on, I noticed that he had defriended me on Facebook and blocked me on the dating site.  When I realized that, I (after goading on from my best friend) sent him a not very nice message about his planning to disappear on me.  In brief, it asked if he had lost some of his male anatomy the previous day. He did respond and said he was not interested anymore, and I moved on.  Who needs to drive four hours anyway?

Did this particular man deserve that? Perhaps or perhaps not.  Was it a low blow? Definitely, but I, and I'm sure many other women in the dating scene, are tired of being played and discarded without so much as a goodbye.  It did feel good and satisfying at the moment.  Although, I do regret sending that message now.  I usually try to keep it above that level. I would take it back if I could. Oh well...

XOXO,
Leia

The ever popular disappearing act

This post will detail a last few guys that I did not meet because they went missing.  That seems to be a popular way in which to handle a woman when the interest has waned.

I was quite excited to meet Dieter. He had a job that had him traveling around the world, he was from a foreign country, and he always called when he said he would (this was while I was reading Greg Behrendt's book).  We planned our meeting a month in advance due to traveling.  Be still, my type A heart.  The night before meeting, he called me and said that we might have to meet later than expected.  His sister was coming in, and he had to meet her for a bit first, but we would definitely meet.  The morning of our date, I received a message from him.  "Bad news. I need to reschedule. Sorry."  No explanation. That's it.  I was angry so I didn't plan to respond and wait to see if he actually tried to reschedule.  He never did. Good riddance.

"Spiderman" and I talked on and off for four months.  We talked on the phone a lot, and both wanted to meet.  However, he was always busy working so scheduling it was difficult.  I finally gave up trying.  Out of the blue, he contacted me and wanted to take the day off work and travel the two hours to take me to dinner.  I was surprised and happy.  Two days before our date, I sent him a suggestion for dinner.  He looked at the website and agreed it would be a good place to meet.  The night before our date, I texted him to find out what time to expect him.  Not a word, still to this day.

"Mama's Boy" was a local, and we messaged on a daily basis for a couple of weeks.  He kept asking to meet but every time I gave him a day that I was free, he never took me up on the offer.  Finally, we found a couple hours we could meet up.  The morning of our meeting, he texted me that his mom was flying in and he couldn't meet.  He continued texting for a couple more days before disappearing into thin air.

A message to guys and girls: if you're not interested in someone, be honest and don't disappear.  It's better know than to wonder what happened.

XOXO,
Leia

Dude, take a hint!

John and I met for coffee one night.  He was nice enough, but he said he wasn't looking for a relationship which I was.  We parted ways and didn't really talk after that meeting.  That is until he contacted me again a couple months down the road.  He said that he had been thinking and maybe he could want a relationship and wanted to see me again. I agreed to the meeting, but for whatever reason, it just wasn't the same.  To be perfectly honest, he kind of annoyed me.  We left each other's company but did not talk about meeting again.  I did text him and say that I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore.  He responded about me not being a nice person or something, but I ignored that.  I had done what I always wanted from men.  I told him I didn't want to see him anymore.  Since then, I had gotten a message every couple weeks from him, begging me to reconsider. He is quite persistent in his pleas for communication, but he finally quit with his messages.

XOXO,
Leia

Someone needs to teach this guy some manners

Phillip needed a long lesson in dating etiquette for sure.  We met at my favorite restaurant, Carrabba's, for dinner.  I beat him to the restaurant and was waiting patiently when he texted me that he was close.  When I told him that I was already there, he said that I got to pay since I arrived first.  Now, I don't mind going dutch or helping out with money, but the way he said it was rude.  When he got there, he looked nothing like his pictures and honestly looked kind of dirty.

We were seated shortly and ordered drinks.  Immediately, expletives started flying left and right.  I'm not going to pretend that I am completely innocent, but there's certain things you don't do on a first date.  Later in the evening, he hit on the waitress.  I was more than a little turned off.  I ate my dinner and waited while he picked up the check.  I hightailed it out of there like no one's business.

I later thanked him for dinner but politely told him that I wasn't interested in any future communication.  He never contacted me again.  I hope that he learned some manners and will find someone to make him happy.

XOXO,
Leia

When she's always right, you start listening to her

By now, my readers should know that my best friend has a creepy sense about the men I've gone out with.  After many times of her predictions being right on, I really started listening.  One such example is Jose. He was a father of two children and was nice enough to me.  However, my best friend just had a really bad vibe about his pictures.  She just kept saying that he looked as if he could be scary.  His communication with me did not give me that feeling, but she kept at it.  "He looks like he could cut your brakes and make it look like an accident.

"Geez, why would you say that?"

A couple days later, I was talking to him on the phone when he started telling me about the time his former wife was admitted into the hospital for an accident.  She was very clumsy and was covered in random bruises.  It was so bad that the doctors made him leave the hospital because her injuries were indicative of domestic violence. Whoa. My best friend immediately popped into my head.  This was our last conversation.  I ended things the next day.  He wanted to know what he did wrong to which I responded nothing.  Things were just not going to work out.  He said he would leave me be which he did.  Now whether or not I dodged a bullet, we will never know.  But I'd rather be safe than sorry.

XOXO,
Leia

The Scumbag strikes again

When I first started my blog, I shared about a scumbag who had a girlfriend while he swore up and down that he didn't.  I kicked him to the curb and didn't look back.  However, a month or so down the road, he got a hold of me again and profusely apologized for his behavior.

"She wasn't my girlfriend. We just went out the one time. You didn't deserve what I did to you, and I want to make it up to you."

He begged and begged, and I finally agreed to meet him for dinner.  It was awkward to say the least. He shared that the girl who texted me was crazy and a pillhead, and he should've never went out with her.  "You are so much better than her."

Yet again, he seemed sincere. We started communicating again.  He wanted to delete our online profiles and date exclusively.  It was a bit fast for me, but I wasn't seeing anyone else so it didn't really change my situation. Besides, I like to focus on one person at a time.  I went online the next day to delete my profile.  He did not.  I asked about it, and he said that he couldn't figure out how to do it on his phone and would take care of it soon.

A few days before our fourth date, he texted me and a few other people a couple of funny pictures and videos. I responded and the text apparently it went to all of the numbers.  Two of the people responded to ask who I was. I explained that I was just responding to a group message.  No problem.  When the third number responded and I relayed the explanation, the person said, "Oh, this must be Kristen."

"This is not Kristen," was my response.

"Um, ok. Sorry."

Hmm, he seemed to be up to his old tricks. Our date was the next day, and I was hot.  He still had not deleted his profile and the whole text messaging thing was bothering me.  That night he let me know that he did not have a car and needed me to pick him up.  I was seething by the time that I got there, and it was obvious because he noted my changed demeanor on the drive to dinner.

We sat down and were talking.  I was building up my courage to confront him about the situation when he said that he was going outside to smoke a cigarette.

"You don't smoke," I said.

"Yeah, I do. I have one a day."

"I asked you, and you said you didn't smoke. I told you smoking is a dealbreaker."
"I didn't say that. Are you serious?"
"Totally."

He got up and went to smoke anyway. I couldn't believe that I had been pulled in again.  When he returned, we left.  I took him home and we never spoke again.  That chapter is definitely closed.  Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.  I have learned my lesson for sure.

XOXO,
Leia