Last my readers knew, I was preparing to embark on the challenging world of dating again. However, quite a bit has happened over the last two and a half weeks.
First, as evidenced in my previous posts, I did some self evaluation. While looking back over my relationship with Corey, I was able to see how I could've handled things differently. Also, I really looked at what made me feel a break up was necessary. As I looked at all the areas I was pissed about, I realized that, while I alluded to my unhappiness, I never came right out and told Corey about all that bothered me. I bottled those issues up and pushed them aside until my anger got the best of me and I felt my only option was to end our relationship.
As a result of my thinking and writing, I started thinking about all the times I actually voiced concerns during our relationship. Each and every time I told Corey about something that was bothering me, he was more than willing to discuss the issues, and we were able to come up with a way of handling the problems. I was not giving him as much credit as he deserved in making our relationship a priority. I am sure, had I given voice to my concerns, we would've been able to deal with everything that I felt were major issues, and I wouldn't have made such a drastic and devastating choice. With all that in mind, I knew I had made a major mistake when I broke up with my lobster.
After that epiphany, I had to decide if I was strong enough to admit my mistake and how much I had hurt the man I loved. As I previously revealed, I hate going back on my decisions. I wrestled with this for days upon days. What would people think? How do I approach him? Would he even want to talk to me? Who could blame him if he didn't? I had hurt him.
I first out aside my worries about others. All that mattered was what was best for me which was to at least try mending our relationship. I finally built up the courage and emailed him. I chose email as a contact method, because I didn't want to put him on the spot. I had been turning things over in my mind for a while. It would only be fair to give him some time to process before talking to me, if he chose to do so.
It is now two and a half weeks from when I told him I wanted another chance to make us work. We did a lot of talking during that time and have made great strides in rebuilding us and having an even stronger relationship than before.
Personally, I feel I am a better person as a result of our talks. Corey reminded me not to sweat the small stuff. So when a couple of things started to bother me recently, I looked at them and decided they weren't that important and honestly let them go. It felt good to not let everything little thing bother me. I am being very cognizant of my feelings and being 100% honest and upfront with Corey and myself. He has been very open to everything that I've brought up and has been understanding. We have both been better communicators and this feels like a rekindling but even better.
I realize that neither of us are perfect, and we will have disagreements in our future. However, I also know that I definitely want us to be together forever, and Corey and I are willing to put forth our best effort to make sure that happens. I saw the picture below on Facebook, and it reaffirmed why I love him. He is a sweet, wonderful man who wants only for us both to be happy.
This man is my perfect mate, and I haven't been this happy in a long time. Whenever I hear John Legend's "All of Me," I think of my boyfriend. All of me loves all of you!
Leia
Xoxo
