Someone needs to teach this guy some manners

Phillip needed a long lesson in dating etiquette for sure.  We met at my favorite restaurant, Carrabba's, for dinner.  I beat him to the restaurant and was waiting patiently when he texted me that he was close.  When I told him that I was already there, he said that I got to pay since I arrived first.  Now, I don't mind going dutch or helping out with money, but the way he said it was rude.  When he got there, he looked nothing like his pictures and honestly looked kind of dirty.

We were seated shortly and ordered drinks.  Immediately, expletives started flying left and right.  I'm not going to pretend that I am completely innocent, but there's certain things you don't do on a first date.  Later in the evening, he hit on the waitress.  I was more than a little turned off.  I ate my dinner and waited while he picked up the check.  I hightailed it out of there like no one's business.

I later thanked him for dinner but politely told him that I wasn't interested in any future communication.  He never contacted me again.  I hope that he learned some manners and will find someone to make him happy.

XOXO,
Leia

When she's always right, you start listening to her

By now, my readers should know that my best friend has a creepy sense about the men I've gone out with.  After many times of her predictions being right on, I really started listening.  One such example is Jose. He was a father of two children and was nice enough to me.  However, my best friend just had a really bad vibe about his pictures.  She just kept saying that he looked as if he could be scary.  His communication with me did not give me that feeling, but she kept at it.  "He looks like he could cut your brakes and make it look like an accident.

"Geez, why would you say that?"

A couple days later, I was talking to him on the phone when he started telling me about the time his former wife was admitted into the hospital for an accident.  She was very clumsy and was covered in random bruises.  It was so bad that the doctors made him leave the hospital because her injuries were indicative of domestic violence. Whoa. My best friend immediately popped into my head.  This was our last conversation.  I ended things the next day.  He wanted to know what he did wrong to which I responded nothing.  Things were just not going to work out.  He said he would leave me be which he did.  Now whether or not I dodged a bullet, we will never know.  But I'd rather be safe than sorry.

XOXO,
Leia

The Scumbag strikes again

When I first started my blog, I shared about a scumbag who had a girlfriend while he swore up and down that he didn't.  I kicked him to the curb and didn't look back.  However, a month or so down the road, he got a hold of me again and profusely apologized for his behavior.

"She wasn't my girlfriend. We just went out the one time. You didn't deserve what I did to you, and I want to make it up to you."

He begged and begged, and I finally agreed to meet him for dinner.  It was awkward to say the least. He shared that the girl who texted me was crazy and a pillhead, and he should've never went out with her.  "You are so much better than her."

Yet again, he seemed sincere. We started communicating again.  He wanted to delete our online profiles and date exclusively.  It was a bit fast for me, but I wasn't seeing anyone else so it didn't really change my situation. Besides, I like to focus on one person at a time.  I went online the next day to delete my profile.  He did not.  I asked about it, and he said that he couldn't figure out how to do it on his phone and would take care of it soon.

A few days before our fourth date, he texted me and a few other people a couple of funny pictures and videos. I responded and the text apparently it went to all of the numbers.  Two of the people responded to ask who I was. I explained that I was just responding to a group message.  No problem.  When the third number responded and I relayed the explanation, the person said, "Oh, this must be Kristen."

"This is not Kristen," was my response.

"Um, ok. Sorry."

Hmm, he seemed to be up to his old tricks. Our date was the next day, and I was hot.  He still had not deleted his profile and the whole text messaging thing was bothering me.  That night he let me know that he did not have a car and needed me to pick him up.  I was seething by the time that I got there, and it was obvious because he noted my changed demeanor on the drive to dinner.

We sat down and were talking.  I was building up my courage to confront him about the situation when he said that he was going outside to smoke a cigarette.

"You don't smoke," I said.

"Yeah, I do. I have one a day."

"I asked you, and you said you didn't smoke. I told you smoking is a dealbreaker."
"I didn't say that. Are you serious?"
"Totally."

He got up and went to smoke anyway. I couldn't believe that I had been pulled in again.  When he returned, we left.  I took him home and we never spoke again.  That chapter is definitely closed.  Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.  I have learned my lesson for sure.

XOXO,
Leia

Talk about rude and inconsiderate

My experience with Chris was very short. We messaged for a few days, he always sent good morning messages, and he seemed nice enough. He lived closer than most men I had dated and had a son my daughter's age. This could work. Our first date was a trip to the beach. We had a nice time and planned to meet a second time. He worked in the food industry so his hours were crazy. The night of our second date, he got held up at work, and we had to make new plans. All of the restaurants in the area we planned to go were closed, and he asked me to pick up a movie for a night in. It was a drizzly night that night, and I drove very carefully. When I arrived at his place, it kind of resembled the barn I had visited in a previous post except it had a trailer on it in place of the barn. He led me inside where his roommate was playing video games. This was the first time that I had heard of a roommate. No biggie.

We went to spare room that had an extra tv and started the movie which had one of my favorite actors in it. He talked though out nearly the entire movie. He asked random questions which I tried to answer. Eventually, I needed a bathroom break. The bathroom in that room did not have a door. What is it with bathrooms without doors? He left the room to give me privacy. While in the restroom, I noticed an electric cigarette. Smoking is my pet peeve and even though he appeared to be trying to quit, I was still turned off by this. 

When we got back to the movie, he asked about my drive over. I said something about driving carefully. He wanted to know why.

I proceeded to explain, "Driving in the rain makes me nervous because my mom and sister died in a car accident in weather exactly like this."

Most people would've said something kind, but not this guy. He said, and I quote, "Why you gotta go there?"

"You asked." This response did not sit well with me and as soon as the movie was done, I grabbed it and left. I hoped that he got the picture and would not contact me. He did message me good morning the next day.  I politely responded when I got up. He did not message me for at least twelve hours about company. I was out with friends and did not respond. I have not heard from him since. It's for the best. I need a kind and caring lobster in my life. 

XOXO,

Leia

He had enough baggage for three people

David and I never met, but the story is still an interesting one. We had a lot in common. We were both writers, we both had kids, and we both were looking for our other half. Our short communication went very well. He was interested and even wrote me a beautiful poem near the end of our contact. Our plan was to meet over a weekend. That Friday, he went mia. He was not one to disappear and not to respond to messages. I never heard back from him that weekend, but I did notice that he had added "my poem" to his dating profile. I was not happy.  He was obviously not being upfront and something was up.

Three days later, David contacted me. To get the full impact of what he said, let me first tell you about his children. David was the father of three kids with two different women. I have nothing against kids. I love kids and look forward to having another one some day. But I was leery of two other women to deal with. He told me that he had frequent contact with them. Ok, now that is out of the way, on to what he told me. David said that he found out one of his baby's mom was pregnant again, this time with twins, and guess what, he was the father. That is five kids with two different women, and he still wanted more. That weekend he had been dealing with that and some work stuff. Way too much for me to deal with. I told him that I just couldn't see dating him with all that going on. 

"I don't understand why this has to affect us," he said. 

He was less than happy when I continued to hold my ground, but he eventually left me be. A couple times, months later he tried to get my attention again, but with no success. Thoughts of the Brady bunch kept rolling through my brain. 

XOXO,

Leia

And my life flashed before my eyes...

"Horseman" was one of the scariest experiences of my dating experiences.  At first glance, he seemed to be perfectly normal.  He worked with horses, played polo, and sailed. He was much different than anyone else I had dated. We decided to meet halfway between our towns for dinner one night, however, he was running late for work and asked that I drive the hour to meet him. I love a good adventure and agreed with his request. By the time this was decided, it was late, and I did not get to the restaurant until after 9.  When I walked through the door, I noticed him.  He waved to me, and I walked to his table. When I sat, he told me that the kitchen was already closed but we could have chips and beer. I was hungry but had traveled all that way to meet this man so I did not complain. At first, things were fine. We talked about normal first date things, family, friends, and work. Later in the evening, it was obvious that the restaurant was closing up so he paid the bill, and we left.

Once outside, he told me there wasn't much to do in the town on a Thursday and suggested we hang out at his place. I wasn't getting any bad vibes yet so I agreed. We stopped at a store first. I needed a pit stop, and he needed to get food for his cats. When I came out of the bathroom, he was waiting the register with a bag of imitation cheese puffs.

"What's that for?" I asked. 

"It's for the cats," he responded. 

"Your cats eat cheese puffs?" Ok, that was weird. 

We left and got into our separate cars and headed on our way. Things were still fine, however, as we got closer and closer to his place, the surroundings got scarier and scarier. We came to a stop at a gate; he got out of his truck and opened the gate for us to go through. Once on the inside, he closed and locked the gate. This was the first thing that scared me. Then, on his way back to his car, he stopped at my driver's side door and tapped on the window. It startled me. When I rolled down the window, he said, "You look like you're scared I locked you in." I laughed it off, but that's exactly what was in my mind. A side note: my best friend had all of the details about my date...safety first. 

When we parked our cars and got out, I was in the middle of a dilapidated barn. That's right, a barn. While it was dark, I could see that the ground was littered with broken down trucks, boats, and random debris. My date got out of his vehicle, opened the bag of cheese puffs, and threw the bag out into the darkness. I heard what I assumed were cats descend on the bag. Who knew? Cats like cheese puffs. 

At this point, I should have left, but for whatever reason, I did not. My stupidest mistake. He said he was going to build a fire as it was quite chilly.

Scavenging the yard, he started building a fire. When it was finally going, he offered me a beer. I'm a polite person and accepted it although I did not plan to imbibe much of it. I even secretly poured small amounts of it out while he wasn't looking. As soon as that drink was done, my butt was out of there! He started talking about all kinds of crazy things. For example, he swore that the government was tailing his nephew. Oh my. When the fire was burning hot, he sat down and said that the fire was so hot, he could even throw an online date on there. What the hell kind of thing was that to say?

He went into the barn which was the only building on the property. When he came back out, I had to go to the bathroom again and asked about a restroom. He said there was one in the barn, and I followed him inside and was appalled by the bathroom. The toliet was black, there was no door on the room, and there were wires strung everywhere. It could have totally been the site of a scary movie. My desire to leave increased. I came out of the barn and "finished" my beer. He tried to give me another one, but I declined and said I didn't want to drink because I was driving shortly. At this point, when he realized I was leaving before he wanted, he got pissed. He started being rude and making pleas for me to stay. He said I could even sleep in the barn on the couch with the electric blanket. Yeah, right. That was not happening

When I made my move to the car to leave, he said, "I can't believe you're going to leave me here all night alone."

"I've got to get home."

"Fine. Go." 

"Can I get our of the gate?" 

"It's not locked."

"Thanks," I replied and hightailed it to my car. When I was safely inside, I locked my doors and reversed as quickly and safely as possible. I made it to the gate, hopped out to open it, and got the hell out of there. Once I was finally on a main road, I started to breath easier. 

It was late by the time I finally made it home and I had a message from him waiting for me. It simply said he hoped I'd made it home ok. I figured I'd message him back the next mornings and cut things off. I definitely had no desire to date someone who reminded me of the unibomber. But when I went on the dating site the next morning, he had blocked me. Really? He must've been really mad at me. That made things easier for me. I was doubting that my lobster was out there for me, but the search continued with hopes that my perfect man was looking for me, too.

XOXO,

Leia

Do I have a crazy magnet in me?

"Tattooed Timmy" was yet another person who I did not need to meet. He was crazy with a capital C. At first, there were no warning signs. We messaged back and forth for a while before talking about meeting. He came up with the idea of going to Halloween Horror Nights. If you know me well, you know I LOVE scary movies and haunted houses. This date idea was right up my alley. I was very excited. We started to make our plans for our date. Things seemed to be going fine until a few days before our date. He texted me and proceeded to tell me that he no longer wanted to meet as planned. He said that he refused to meet me until I was in love with him. He wanted all of my love or he couldn't meet me. Umm, what? I only responded that I don't believe that you can fall in love without spending time together, and if he was serious, then we were done talking. He was 100% serious, and I was done with him. I don't need someone that unhinged. Move on to the next possible lobster candidate.

XOXO,

Leia

I have a weakness for accents

"SA" made my knees quiver just by talking. He was not only funny, interesting, and attractive, he had an accent that sounded like a mix of British and Australian. There's something about a foreign accent that gets me. I could literally listen to him talk for hours which I did.  We decided to meet for coffee on a Friday night. Our date was later in the evening, so I met my best friend for dinner. We were enjoying our meals and chatting away about who knows what. Then, my phone rang and it was "SA". When I answered and first heard his accent through the phone, I was hooked. He was checking in to let me know he was grabbing coffee before coming to meet me that night. After our call was over, I reported to my friend what he had to say. She asked, "He's getting coffee before meeting you for coffee?"

"Yeah, guess he likes coffee," I responded, not thinking anything. 

"Sounds like he's trying to knock out two dates in one night," she laughed back. 

Geez, why does she think this stuff! Now, I never asked or learned if this prediction was true, but I ignored he joke and went about my way for my date. 

We did have a nice time over coffee, but even though I loved listening to him talk, we didn't click. No future plans were made, and we went our separate ways. Alas, my soft spot for accents didn't make for a lasting connection. 

XOXO,

Leia

If he only had a heart.

"Tin Man" was a project that I so dearly wanted to undertake. He was funny, sweet, and utterly gorgeous. We met for coffee, and an hour passed in what seemed like a few minutes. After, we decided to go to his house and continue our conversation. Have you ever talked with someone until 4 in the morning and never run out of anything to say? Well, that is what happened with us. We talked about everything from my mom and sister passing to his mom's illness. We learned about each other's childhoods and adolescent years. We shared our stories of how our marriages ended (that is where his nickname comes in...how his marriage ended was devastating and he was clearly a broken man that had a lot of healing left to do). I so wanted to be the woman to heal him.  We parted ways after hours of talking, and I hoped to see him many more times. However, that is not what happened.

After our meeting, his mom's illness took a turn for the worst, and his attention was obviously focused on her. We talked and decided not to see each other for a while. His mom was his main concern, and he could not have a relationship at the time.  It was, perhaps, a good thing that we didn't see each other. My best friend and I talked about "Tin Man" a lot. She kept reiterating that his is broken, and a project man is not what I need. So, it was much difficulty that I put him in the past. I need a whole lobster in my life. 

A last note on this story: months later, I began communicating with another man. We shall call him "Tin Man 2". He and I became Facebook friends and as one does, I checked out his page. I noticed a couple of things. One, he was very recently separated from his wife, as in months, and was still posting sad, mysterious break up posts. Two, he and I had a mutual friend. He was close friends with my original "Tin Man". What are the odds that I'd end up meeting yet another broken man who happened to be social with someone else I dated? That meeting never occurred. He was certainly much further from being whole that his friend. 

XOXO,

Leia

My best friend is psychic.

Before I go any further in my story, I must take a short detour about my best friend. We are so alike, it's weird. It's as if we were separated at birth. As such, her opinion is of the utmost importance. When I first started asking her opinion, I really didn't know what to expect her to say, but what has happened since has been slightly creepy. She has an uncanny ability to spot red flags and make predictions based on a cursory glance at men's photos. I have more than one example of her amazing powers of perception.

The first time I really remember her exercising her power was with "Babyface." Cori looked at this guy's pictures and asked about his details. I told her his name, age, location, and career. She immediately said, "Those pictures are old. There's no way he's 35." I scoffed off her assessment and met him a few weeks later. Sure enough, he looked at five years older than his photos appeared. 

I didn't think about my friend's comment until the next occurrence which happened with "Catfish." This man and I started communicating and messages for weeks straight. Again, Cori looked at his profile and said, "That's not him and if it is, those are old photos." You'd think I'd learn my lesson, but I again ignored her and still talked to him. We were planning to meet and decided to webcam one night. I was waiting patiently to talk to "Catfish" when he sent me a message. It basically said that he was not single and his photos were not him. The story goes that a friend saw his girlfriend on the dating site so he made a fake profile in order to catch her which he did.  However, although we had a connection, and he was interested in me, he could not break up with his girlfriend because he worked with his dad and would be fired.  Kind of a far-fetched story.  Anyway, I was shocked, for one, and surprised that my friend was right again. 

Not to belabor the point, here's a final example. "Scrap booking Boy" was apparently a fan of Instagram and many of his profile photos included photos from his account. I showed Cori and without skipping a beat, she said, "He's not straight." Oh, come on, I thought. But sure enough, she was right (I'll spare you the story that he decided to share with me that proved her prediction). At this point, I always listen to what my best friend has to say when it comes to men. She is the Miss Cleo of online dating! 

XOXO,

Leia

Some people don't need to drink

"Crazy iPhone Guy" may have been a little bi-polar.  He seemed to be pretty normal when we messaged one another, and when I first met him, no alarms went off.  He was funny and interesting.  We met to watch a basketball game over a beer.  My first peek into his craziness is when he saw that I owned an iPhone.  He went on a tirade about how Apple makes their products and such.  I basically tuned him out on this little rant.  He went back to his funny self when he was done belittling Apple.  After the game was over, he wanted to go somewhere else.  As I was the sober one, I got to drive. Lucky me!  We ended up at a gelato shop. I needed a coffee. It was late, and I had a long drive back home.  When he heard me order a coffee, his crazy side kicked in again.

"I can't believe you're getting a coffee. How boring.  Get a beer." I told him I had to drive and there was no way I was drinking anything this close to getting in a car. We talked to some of the locals while sipping our drinks.  When I finally finished my coffee, I told him I needed to be on my way.  Well, that started him off on another rant.

"You're so conventional. You're stuck in a prison of your own making.  Be original.  Don't go home."

I ignored his crap, dropped him off at his car, and headed on my way.  He must've thought our date was a success, because he tried to get me to go to the beach with him the next day.  At the same time that I met him, I was talking to someone else who was much more appealing than him and who didn't yell at me about my phone.  I declined the beach date. A few days later, I told him that I was going to see how things went with this other guy, and we lost contact.

Now, fast-forward a year. "Crazy iPhone Guy" contacted me again.  His messages and communication were normal sounding.  I suppose a year makes you forget a lot, because I stupidly accepted another date with this man.  And guess what...I had to drive again.  He asked me to pick him up which I only agreed to because I would be in control of my own transportation.  On the ride to our first stop, he was perfectly fine.  No crazy talk and rants.  We stopped and had some wine (my favorite pastime).  After, he wanted to go play pool or darts.  We meandered downtown until we found a place that was not too packed that had pool tables.  Outside this establishment was a young guy trying to drum up business and a woman assisting him.  Well, he started a conversation with the two of them.  He was asking them why he should go in the bar.  These two kept giving me looks as if to ask, "What is his deal?"  When he finally stopped talking, we walked into the bar and grabbed a drink.  I sipped mine very slowly.  The woman that had been outside followed us inside.  She and I started talking. I found out that she was in veterinarian school and was friends with the guy she had been sitting with outside.  All the while, my date was scoping out the pool table.  It turns out that it was a coin-operated pool table, and he didn't have any cash.  The woman I had been talking to excused herself and when she returned, she handed him some change.  "Here, since you weren't prepared to take your lady out."  It took all my willpower not to laugh at her snub.

She joined us at the pool table and so did her friend from outside. The four of us played a few games of pool and chatted.  I liked the two additions to our group, but my date was just not doing it for me.  Call it a hunch.  I mentioned to my female companion that I didn't want to drive all the way back home because I was so tired.  She suggested that we go back to her place to play darts and I could crash at her place.  She, her male friend, and her roommate would all be there so I would not be alone with "Crazy iPhone Guy."  This sounded like the best compromise.  I have a close friend who lives in the same town, so I texted him to let him know the address I was going to (safety first!) before heading over there.  I told my date that I was going with them; he could come or not, but I wasn't going to his apartment (I was sure that's what he had planned).  He did not seem extremely happy about this but went along anyway.

Up until this point, he hadn't had any rants or outbursts, so I thought maybe his previous behavior was a fluke.  That all changed when we got to the house.  Our hostess asked us not to be too loud since her roommate was asleep. Everyone seemed okay with this; everyone except my date that is.  He was loud and obnoxious and started cursing at the girl we came with.  She kept asking him to keep it down especially when the roommate came out.  He would not shut up.  So, we finally called him a cab and wanted anxiously for it to show.

We went outside to where my date was being loud so that she could tell him the cab was on its way.  He started to apologize drunkenly and when the cab arrived, he stumbled to it without a word to any of the three of us.  A weight was lifted from my shoulders when the car pulled away.  The three of us talked about how he changed so quickly from one location to the next.  While we were in this conversation, I received a text message.  I figured it was my friend checking in on me.  But it wasn't. It was "Crazy iPhone Guy." The message said, "F*** you, you fat b****." Wow, what a gentleman.  I showed the other two and they were astonished as well.  I brushed aside my bruised ego; it never feels good to hear that even if you know it's not true.  Then, my companions went to sleep, and I slept on the futon in the guest room.  I woke up refreshed and went home.

A couple days later, I received a missed call from a number I didn't know.  It took me a little bit to figure out it was "Crazy iPhone Guy." Of course, I didn't answer, and he hasn't tried to contact me again.  I'm assuming he figured out there's no coming back from his behavior this time. Good riddance! He is certainly no where near close to my lobster!

XOXO,
Leia

Once a jerk, always a jerk

My experience with this next guy was one of the most disappointing ones because he seemed to have the most potential.  When I first saw Carl's profile what I noticed is that there was someone I knew in the pictures.  He was a friend of a friend.  Talk about a small world. When he started messaging me, we seemed to click immediately, and it was interesting to talk about people we both knew.  Also, since he knew my friend, I was more comfortable about talking to him and meeting him.  He couldn't be a psycho if he was friends with my friends.  We would message each other for hours on end every evening, and he asked me to go out with him one weekend. However, I had my daughter and was not free to take him up on the offer.  He was quite obliging and said that we would have our date the following weekend when I was free.  Things seemed to be going well; I was excited to meet him.  Then, things changed.  We were having a conversation about our siblings.  I asked when his birthday was (truth be told, I was trying to find out his sign; a friend and I had been having fun looking at astrological matches that week).  He sent me a very weird message which included his birthday and something about that being a very long way away.  I thought perhaps I was reading too much into the tone I imagined him having.  But sure enough, I did not hear from him for days. This was the week before we were supposed to meet.  I messaged him, trying to figure out what the issue was.  It took a while for him to respond, but when he did, his message stung.  He said that he was afraid that were we to meet, I would get too attached, too quickly for him.  Who was he to make that kind of a judgment? And he must have a high opinion of himself to assume that I would react that way.  I was not happy with this response and told him goodbye.

A couple months down the road, I did something that was not my brightest idea.  I texted Carl again.  The way things ended was gnawing at me, and I wondered how he was.  I didn't expect him to respond, but to my surprise, he did.  We started talking again, and he seemed to be over that little issue of me getting attached to him too fast.  He asked me out once more and planned a fun date for us.  We met at a beach for lunch, enjoyed the sun for a few hours, went out for a delicious dinner, and a round of pool.  Until very, very recently, I counted that as the best date I had ever had.  We had a great time and were very comfortable around one another.  He was everything I imagined he would be; we parted ways with the agreement that we would go out again and keep in contact until then.

I was very excited, and the first few days following our date, everything went along fine.  We communicated on a daily basis; he responded to my messages and sent me messages as well.  Then, our communication started to dwindle, and I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Surely, he would not go MIA again.  Sure enough, he started ignoring messages.  At this time, he was in the middle of a new job and move, so I tried to chalk up the lack of communication to that.  But in my heart, I knew that was not the case.  I eventually got a response out of him.  He said that he had fun as well but was just so busy with everything and had no free time in the foreseeable future. I ended things with telling him that I would not be pulled in a third time; I had certainly learned my lesson with Carl which is if he's a jerk once, he'll be a jerk again.

XOXO,
Leia

What kind of sociopath does that?

Michael S. was a special kind of scary.  He and I were matched online and started communicating.  When we started texting and talking on the phone, he told me that he was a single father of a five-year old boy and that his wife died in a car accident three years prior.  He was just starting dating again because he was lonely and his son needed a female influence in his life.  His story pulled on my heartstrings. I could relate to losing someone important in your life.  We seemed to have a lot in common.  Then, one day, right before we had planned to meet, I received an email from the dating site.  It informed that Michael's account was deleted, and they discouraged further communication with him.  I was a bit freaked out; I questioned him about it and was told that he requested it be closed.  That just did not seem likely.  After this exchange, I did not get many more messages from him and did not attempt to contact him either.  That email was a sign, and I did not ignore that.  However, I was still so interested in what he had done or lied about that would result in getting his account deleted.  So, when he contacted me a few months later, I responded and we talked a bit again.  I asked about his son, and he told me about how much he missed his mom and such. For whatever reason, I was playing around with the Facebook app on my phone and I had it search for new Facebook friends from my contact list and a new person popped up.  I pulled that profile up on my computer.  The man in the photo sure looked like Michael, only older and heavier.  In his profile photo was a cute boy that looked to be about five.  I read the details that were public.  This man, whose name was not Michael, worked in the same field and lived in the same area as Michael.  I compared the photos that I had against the profile and showed them to my best friend.  We both agreed this definitely was Michael.  There was only one major difference besides the physical traits; this man was married. His wife was certainly alive and well.  When I read up on the dating site about why accounts get deleted, it said the most common reason was misrepresentation of age, gender, location, and/or martial status.  Now, up until this point, Michael had been texting all day for many days in a row.  I decided to try something crazy; I friend requested this Michael look-alike.  And guess what...I have never heard from Michael ever again.  I find that an odd coincidence that the day I find and friend request this person that is connected with Michael's phone number is the day he stops communication.  That can only mean that he was lying about a lot, the most shocking of which is that his wife is dead.  Seriously, what kind of person says his wife is dead? I am so glad that particular dating site is up on its security and shot up a red flag for me!

XOXO,
Leia

Real boys can be jerks, too.

While this blog is mainly about my online dating experiences, I do have a couple of stories about "real" boys I met offline.  My friends say that the cure to my searching is to find a real person that someone I know knows.  Well, so far, that has not worked out either.

The first real man I met at the gym.  He was handsome and well put together, and every time I saw him, he would smile and say hi.  Now, some people would not believe me, but I am very shy when it comes to meeting new people. For weeks, I went to the gym without anymore than the casual greeting.  Finally, one day, I decided to be brave and talk to him, but first, I needed to do some recon.  I casually asked the lady at the front desk what she knew about him.  All she could tell me was he was young.  With nothing more to go on, I decided to wait.  Well, the next day, the same lady stopped me when I was checking in.  She told me that after I left, she had sent her daughter to talk to him for me. I was mortified.  And then I learned that her daughter learned he was only 22 years old.  Yikes! He did not look that young. And, of course, I did not pursue anything. That was too much of an age gap.  He did, however, hit on me a few days later.  The last little bit to this story is that I later learned he had a very serious girlfriend for the last year. Nice, right?

Real guy number two was not much better.  He was closer to my age, at least, but that is where the positive qualities end.  I was out with a friend having drinks and listening to music at a local place.  A woman approached us and said that there was a guy at the bar that was interested in talking to us.  He thought we were very beautiful and sent her over.  We figured, what the hell and said we'd talk to him.  He came strutting over and introduced himself.  Being new in town, he was trying to make new friends. My companion did not want to talk to him for herself because he was younger than she, so he latched onto my ear.  We talked for a while.  Well, she and I had been planning to go to a different location for dancing.  He wanted to tag along which he did. While there, he never really let me out of his sight.  We ran into more than one of his co-workers.  He introduced me as "his future wife." A little cheesy, in my opinion.  When he did it the second time, I looked at him and asked, "What's my name?" He was befuddled, and the person we were talking to coughed and left.  I reminded him of my name.  However, it happened another time, and he still could not remember my name.  The night did not get better, and his claim of being a "real southern gentleman" did not hold up.  I ran into him a few months later with some people I knew. While I was talking to them, he kept trying to pull their attention away from me. I suppose he didn't want his antics out.  When they kept talking to me, he walked up and put his arm around me. "Hey, what's up?" I brushed his arm off and ignored him.

There were a few other "real" people I met, but the stories aren't of much consequence as nothing came from them.  My friends still hold to the fact that Pinocchio is the way to go (he becomes a real boy; get it?).

XOXO
Leia

And I thought I was impatient.

Today brings my first entry about a guy who I did not even need to meet to know he wasn't lobster material.  Peter and I conversed for a few days before exchanging telephone numbers.  He was nice enough in messages although my best friend did not approve of him (there is a whole other post about my friend's judgment). 

One day, he asked me to give him a call because he wanted to talk on the phone.  I told him that I had to work out and then would call.  Well, after my work out was done, my workout buddy wanted to grab dinner.  I agreed and sent Peter a message letting him know about the change of plans and that I could call him after. He sent back, "If you want." I showed my friend the message, and she said that he was mad.  Well, about two hours later, when I finally had time to call, I sent him a text, "Do you want me to call now?"  He responded with, "Nah, I'm good." My friend was right.  He was mad. This did not give me a good feeling at all.  It was not as if I had blown him off; I notified him of the change in plans, but apparently that was not good enough.  We never texted or spoke again.  I guess my friend's judgment about him had been correct all along.

XOXO,
Leia

He saves lives so he can't text.

I wish I could say that I only met a few jerks and douchebags in my dating adventure, but that would be a lie.  "Dr. Sleepy" is another one of these men. (A quick aside regarding his nickname: "Dr. Sleepy" did a lot of sleeping or so he claimed.  He would randomly disappear in the middle of a convo and come back twelve hours later to explain he had fallen asleep.  My best friend did not believe that after we learned more about him.) 

This man won me over easily.  We started conversing about week or so before Christmas. I learned a lot about him in a short time. He was a transplant to Florida from Illinois and was in med school, finishing up his residency.  I had never dated a doctor, but it was interesting. He would tell me about his cases and how he performed procedures.  "Dr. Sleepy" was so sweet and kind.  He would randomly send messages through out the day to say hi, and he always sent good morning and good night texts.  If you know me, you know how much I love to communicate, so I loved hearing from him so often.  We talked on the phone every day and seemed to click easily.

It was with much excitement that we met on Christmas night; how romantic, right? We talked for hours on end, and I enjoyed his company very much.  We continued to meet and go on dates, but the communication on his end was becoming very sporadic. Our dates were very few and far between.  He kept saying that his residency kept him busy, and he didn't have time to text or talk much.  The week prior to us meeting, he was on Christmas break and that level of communication was an anomaly. I discussed this with my best friend a lot.  Maybe I just wasn't cut out to date a doctor.  Maybe asking for at least one text message a day was too much to ask from him. He was busy saving lives on a daily basis after all.

I'll admit that I let my dealings with "Dr. Sleepy" go on much too long because he was one of the most attractive men I had ever met.  However, my eyes were open by two different events.  The first was Greg Behrendt, a comedian.  If you're a fan of "Sex and the City," you may remember an episode where the phrase, "He's just not that into you," is used.  Well, Greg is the man behind that phrase.  He later went on to write a dating book (which every single woman should read) with the same title.  The book was also turned into a pretty good movie.  While reading the book, I came across the following:

He's Just Not That Into You pg. 23

My doctor was full of crap.  I talked to him one last time.  He said that he just did not have the time to give me that attention I wanted and couldn't put in the effort necessary to have a relationship.  I thought this was the end of "Dr. Sleepy." Maybe a month or so later, my suspicions about his lies were confirmed.  The doctor started a new dating profile and was looking yet again. I was hurt and mad but also relieved that I had walked away before any real damage was done.   The funny ending to this story is that even a few weeks ago, he has contacted me. But I have not given into his advances; it feels good to be strong and not fall back into his charms.  Go peddle that line of BS somewhere else, Doctor!

XOXO,
Leia

Even nerds can be d****.

"Nerdy Johnny" (he called himself a nerd so I didn't feel bad about going along with his moniker) was a lot of fun.  From our first contact, he made me laugh.  His sense of humor was spot on, and if you can make me laugh on an hourly basis like he could, you will have my heart. I looked forward to his messages.  One night we decided to try taking our convo to Skype. What was supposed to be a quick call ended up going on for four hours.  We just couldn't stop talking and learning about one another. He told me about moving to Florida from New Jersey and how difficult it was being a nerd as a teenager. We shared some dating horror stories and talked about our ideal lazy weekend days with our future lobsters. It was the best conversation, and I looked forward to meeting him.

A few days later, I found myself driving southward to meet "Nerdy Johnny."  We met at a coffee shop in his town and talked over a cup of coffee.  Afterwards, we decided to head to his apartment to watch a movie.  When I got to his place, I really got introduced to his nerdiness.  He had a "nerd shelf" filled with memorabilia from various shows and movies he liked.  I got to see his costume for an upcoming comic book convention. He had his computer connected to his television, and he pulled up a movie for us to watch.  After sitting through Ted which was a mediocre at best, "Nerdy Johnny" pulled up YouTube and started showing me various channels and videos that he liked.  I laughed the whole time; in fact, when I got home, I started following the same channels and still check them out on YouTube on a regular basis.  We decided that the next time we hung out, he would teach me how to play "Left for Dead," a zombie hunting video game if I remember correctly. And then I went home, feeling happy and satisfied with our meeting.

The next week, I happened to have a day free, and he wanted to meet for dinner and a video gaming session. I was very excited. The morning of our date, I checked in to make sure all systems were go; he reported everything was good. So later that afternoon, I started my drive to meet him. I had barely gotten out of town when he texted me that there was some emergency at work, and he had to reschedule.  He immediately gave me an alternative date to meet. I was bummed to say the least. I headed home to spend the evening alone.

A few hours later, I decided to check up on him. Call me crazy, but I have trust issues; it's part of my baggage. He hadn't logged onto the dating site all day; this made me feel better. No Instagram or Facebook posts; again, another good sign. Last stop was Twitter. And there it was. He had checked into a fancy Japanese restaurant at 6 pm, the time we were supposed to meet. I was beyond angry; not that he didn't want to see me, I was angry that he lied.  I'd much rather to hear the truth even if it hurts than to get a pretty lie. Being a little tech savvy myself, I screenshot his check in and texted it to him; no words necessary. I have still never heard back from him. Although I really liked him, I'm grateful that I found out early on he was a liar and coward; it saved me a lot of heartache.

XOXO,
Leia

This crap is what makes women crazy

My first couple of stories haven't been very outrageous.  I wanted to warm my readers up a bit with some of the less insane stories before really getting into the nitty-gritty. Time for a really appalling story that shows some quite deplorable behavior. I apologize in advance. This is going to be a long post. I am not exaggerating when I say that I was in contact with this man on and off for four months prior to meeting one another.  Quite the buildup, eh? Well, this scumbag (I forget his original nickname but he ended up being referred as scumbag) appeared to be quite worth the wait.  He was so funny, humble, shy, attractive, and interesting in person. Before we even left one another's company at the end of our first date, he was begging to see me again.  It made me feel desirable that he enjoyed my company so much. We made plans to meet again in three days' time.  I was on cloud nine when I got to work the next week; ask my friends. At lunch, I shared the details of my date with my two closest friends.  They were impressed by him setting up a second date so soon instead of playing the waiting game. "Guess what else...he hurt his back the morning of our date and could barely walk but still came to see me instead of bailing." We were all suckered in by his sweet charm.  This really could be the one.

The night before our second date, we worked out our plans and decided to go to the park for a picnic.  Romantic, right? I was a ball of energy the entire next day. He said he'd let me know at lunch what time he would be finished with work.  But lunch came and went as did the rest of the day with no word from Mr. Right. When I went to sleep that night after being stood up, I was distraught.  How could things have changed so quickly over night?

A couple of days passed and to my surprise, he logged into the dating site on which we met, and I received a text from him. The story I got was that his nephew lost his phone, and he didn't have my number to reach me. Also, he did not have computer access because he used his phone for all Internet usage.  He had to go to a friend's house to use a computer to look up my number from our prior messages.  Something with this excuse just didn't set right with me.  But, my best friend, ever the optimist, told me not to be a negative Nelly and give him the benefit of the doubt.  People do lose phones after all. Later that night, he and I spoke on the phone.  He profusely apologized and begged to make it up to me. It was with some hesitation that I accepted his apology and arranged another date for the following Saturday.

I wasn't as excited for our date this time, but I was looking forward to visiting my favorite winery. Saturday night rolled around, and I was patiently waiting all day to get dolled up. The plan was to meet at 9 that night. Well, wouldn't you know it, a few hours before our date, I got a message that work was running late, but he was still planning to come. He worked construction and odd jobs; supposedly, the homeowners he was working for were being overly nit-picky about the job. Now, when 10, then 11 and 12 rolled around and he claimed to still be working, I was on high alert.  He asked if we could reschedule the next night.  Although every red light was going off in my body, I agreed.  He said he'd let me know that he got home safely and that he was looking forward to seeing me.

It was at 3 am that I was woken from a dead sleep from hearing my phone go off.  In my sleepy state, I quickly glanced and saw that it was a message from this man's phone.  It read, "Who is this?" I immediately sat up and was wide awake.  My first thought was "crap, he's married." I fell back asleep after deciding not to deal with this in the middle of the night. Upon waking the next morning, I cooked up a good message that thoroughly threw him under the bus all the while not revealing my identity.

At lunch time, I received a text message from a new number with the same message "Who is this?". Needless to say, I was more than a little freaked out. I responded with a message asking who she was which never was responded to. About an hour later, my phone rang and it was scumbag.

I answered the phone, and I vividly remember him saying, "Hey, baby, what's up?"

"Why don't you tell me what's up?" I retorted and relayed the story of the last night.  He swore up and down that he was with his work buddy all night and couldn't understand how I got a message from his phone.

"Please just meet me for a drink. I'll figure out what's going on."  He sounded quite sincere, so I found myself in his presence that evening.  I was on high alert and very withdrawn.  He wove a tale so believable and he was so genuine that I actually bought his BS. The story goes that his buddy has been trying to get info out of him about who he was dating but he wouldn't tell him, so while scumbag was asleep, he got in his phone.  Yes, so so stupid was I to buy this line of crap, but I did.  I am not proud that he made me believe him, but he truly deserved an Oscar for his acting that night. Although I did believe him, I was still very cautious when we parted ways.

The next morning, I got a good morning text and went about my day.  At the end of my day, I received another message from that random number that informed me that she was scumbag's woman and that he was with her Saturday night. She threw back some of my text messages to him which showed she had read our conversation.  I was more than livid and texted him some pissed off message which I can't recall now before finding a friend.  When I located my friend, I said, "What the hell is wrong with men?" and I couldn't help it, I started crying. The tears weren't for him per say because I did not have much invested in him. I was more mad at myself than anything else. He never responded to my angry last message which was an admission of guilt in my eyes.

Now, many of my choices in the above story shame me. However, I learned much from the experience with him, the most important of which is trust your gut! If everything feels wrong, no matter what he says, trust your intuition. I should have listened to all those bad feelings from the beginning.

I'm sad to say that there is a part two to this story which will come later.

XOXO,
Leia

But he's in a band!

I hate to admit this, but I am such a cliché. This story serves to prove that point in two ways.  "Marriage Man" was yet another stop in my journey.  Two things really drew me to this man...one, he was a dog lover, and two, here comes cliché one, he was in a band. The thought of dating a guitarist was exciting, and brought out the teenage girl in me. So, on a Thursday night, I found myself face to face with the object of my infatuation.  He was, perhaps, one of nicest people I have ever met. It was obvious that he was truly interested in what I had to say. We had such a great conversation, so much so the waitress had to kick us out of the restaurant. One thing stuck out to me from our date; this man was ready to get married and have kids yesterday.  I hadn't been out of one relationship long enough to even consider that possibility.  Despite my objection, he still seemed to be interested in me.  Did I see him again? Nope, and this is where cliché two comes in. It pains me to admit this...I actually said, "He's just too nice." What is with the bad boy syndrome? Alas, "Marriage Man" and I did not go out again but have chatted a few times to check in with one another. I do hope that he is doing well and finding his lobster.

XOXO,

Leia

Can you say you've dated an aspiring adult star?

Well, I can. I remember one of the first men to contact me via a dating site; he was the spitting image of Duane "The Rock" Johnson.  As a huge fan of this beautiful specimen of a man, I was instantly intrigued and attracted to this new person.  We exchanged many messages before finally meeting one another in person.  At the time I walked into the local bowling alley for our date, my stomach was turning flips.  This would be my first date in over a decade, and I didn't know quite what to expect.  When he showed up, he was every bit what I anticipated, and we had a wonderful time talking over a few drinks and challenging each other in game after game of pool.  In the days that followed our date, new information came to light.  "Stripper Man" subtly informed me that he not only bartended at a "clothing-optional" resort, he was in the process of submitting photos to launch his "film" career.  I remember my mouth dropping in shock and not knowing quite what to say next.  Needless to say, he and I did not stay in contact very long after this revelation regardless of his striking resemblance to one of my favorite celebrities. Sigh...the lobster search was still on.

XOXO,
Leia

Looking for my lobster

Before I can share my adventures, I first have to explain a term that my best friend and I use on a regular basis that will surely come up in my blog posts. If you're a "Friends" fan like I am, you may remember an episode in which Phoebe describes that lobsters mate for life. The conversation goes a little something like this:

Phoebe: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.
Ross: What? Okay, now how do you know that?
Phoebe: Because she's your lobster.
Chandler: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
Phoebe: Come on, you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, you know, holding claws like...

Courtesy of: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/the%20one%20with%20the%20prom%20video

The episode ends like this:

Courtesy of: http://favim.com/image/78223/

Ever since seeing this episode, my best friend and I have discussed the "lobster" potential of male suitors.  It is not uncommon to hear, "He's just not your lobster" come out of my friend's mouth.  Now that we have that context set, let's get into the fun stuff!

XOXO,
Leia

What's this blog all about?

In January 2012, at the age of 31, I found myself single for the first time in nearly 12 years. After getting a grip on my marriage ending, I decided to give online dating a try. This blog will chronicle the dating experiences I've had in the last year and half of my life. The entries will not necessarily be in chronological order.  Additionally, real names will not be used. A couple of my friends have taken the liberty of giving these men nicknames; for the most part, these nicknames will be used in place of names. I hope you enjoy my story, can relate to some of it, and get a laugh out of my experiences. 

XOXO,
Leia